Death

A Sad Story, But One That Must Be Told…

<Anbar Provence> A young marine, private Lance P. Henderson, of Scottsdale, AZ, was deployed to the Anbar Provence of Afghaninstasia to assist in executing the terror wars. His duties, clearly defined by his company commander, included patrol duties around a mountainous terrain where enemy confrontation was somewhat likely.

Before his first patrol, his platoon leader mentioned that it was okay to sexually relieve himself with his hand in the back of the head (“head” is military for “bathroom”). “Do it During the night, when everyone else is asleep to forgo any shame on your part,” was the advice he was given.

The young marine crept to the corner stall of his squad bay head to apply masturbation to his sinstick. Five minutes later, a mortar round hit the exact spot in the building where the marine was self raping his stiff member. His brains were blown out. His face was unrecognisable from the explosion. Only his dog tags could identify him. A closed casket funeral was in store for his grieving family.

“Better his family believe their son died a hero,” was his Sargent’s words before closing the casket.

Maybe it is best that the family does not know that their son died in shame and his soul is now roasting in the eternal fires of hell.

Such a sad story to relate to you of Lonnie faith, but a story that needs to be told.

Stop Masturbation Now, for your time is short on this earth.

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augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

Well, he will have plenty of Muslims to fight where he’s going to spend eternity.

Dark Mercenary
6 years ago

He could have been using his sin stick as a mortar to fire sticky ejaculant behind enemy lines to subdue the enemy…. the question is if someone shot their load all over you what would you do? We all know fluffle would lick it up.. but each to their own I guess…

scooter mcshooter
scooter mcshooter
6 years ago

He died valiantly with his sin sword in hand.

Master Bator
Master Bator
6 years ago

What a great loss. A long time ago, in the place far, far away I used to call home, this kind of danger wasn’t an issue. We could wave around our sinsabers all we want under the safety of an ICEF shield. So remember, kids, when practicing the Force with your sinsaber, always be under the protection of a plasma shield, to protect yourself from the chucklefuck that calls himself god.

swodi plomz
swodi plomz
6 years ago
Reply to  Master Bator

Indeed Master Bator, it seems the sith are at this once more. Tales spread of quite the armada spanning from their homeworld, Kokinhand…

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6 years ago

You guys are all a bunch of idiots!!! Grow a brain you donkeys.

Truffle
6 years ago

I’ve been crying for over 5 minutes at your hurtful comment. I hope one day soon you see the light and allow Lonnie’s love deep inside you.

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Calm down, sister Truffle! I believe our friend here was calling the masturbators “a bunch of idiots” and to “grow a brain”. I agree whole heartedly!

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Apologies, Brother Lonnie, I was overcome by a moment of lesser gendered hysteria.

Praise Lonnie!

Suck my ass faggot 69
Suck my ass faggot 69
6 years ago

8====✊===D

TerraceYouth
5 years ago

He was probably mentally ill. They tend to beat off a lot. Especially under stress.