Family Values

Save Masturbators From Hell This Halloween!

Today is Halloween and while most moral Christians will be hunkered down in their homes with their children, Bibles and guns clutched close, the secular world will send their children up to stranger’s doors begging for handouts like the Obama-Socialist zombies they are. This year, we fight back! As Christians, we are called upon by God to spread His Holy Word to the unsaved so we must look at this otherwise wicked day as an opportunity from On High! Like some kind of miracle, unsaved masturbators and their children are actually being delivered right to your doorstep!

This year, instead of turning the lights off and pretending you’re not home, print out this special coupon for 5% off the Anti-Masturbation Cross® and hand them out to the wicked unbelievers! When a costumed child comes up to your door and screams “Trick or Treat!” look them dead in their eyes and ask: “have you ever masturbated?”, then, before their parents can protest, slip this coupon into their little welfare-starter bag and slam the door. Praise!

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A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago

Awww, how stupid

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  A Smart Guy

Try not be so hard on yourself.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Says the guy who thinks the moon is cheese

Science2
Science2
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

I gonna rape you butthole until it looks like the pacific ocean.

gigaillustrator
6 years ago

Oddio che sito malato 😀

Remember kids, god once ordered people to kill babies.
Remember kids, god once ordered people to kill babies.
6 years ago

ROTFLOL. This while website has made me turn blue….with laughter.

Science2
Science2
6 years ago

I UNDERSTAND!!!!!

John Fapper
6 years ago

I’m masturbating to this post right now, now deal with it.

John Boner Fapper
6 years ago

I’m still masturbating to this.

YouPeopleSickenMe
YouPeopleSickenMe
6 years ago

Asking children if they have ever masturbated and then giving them coupon for a disgusting device will only get you a visit from Child Protective Services and your name on the sex offender list.

Cassidy Pen
6 years ago

Truly, Brother Lonnie is a man of God and His Way should be followed.

Science2
Science2
6 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Truly, Homo Lonnie is a man of brutal anal sex with cows and horses. And he likes it. MMMHHHHH!!!!!

Let Children be free
Let Children be free
6 years ago

I am christian but you can go fuck yourselfs! I am going to masturbate right now.

Surrender2Christ
Surrender2Christ
6 years ago

Not much of a Christian with a foul mouth like that. If I didn’t believe soap to be part of some recent liberal/left-wing conspiracy, I would was your pie-hole out with a bar of one right now, young man.

Science2
Science2
6 years ago

I think the only thing that will solve the problem of your existence is to shove a .44 Magnum down your fucking throat.

Norfolk Perv
Norfolk Perv
6 years ago

This ‘cross’ looks like a great bondage tool. Thanks for the awesome idea!!!

blownload
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

gonna go tie my girlfriend to one of these and jerk off til I cum all over her sweet tits and face.

Kinky Atheist
Kinky Atheist
6 years ago
Reply to  blownload

I’m more of an ass person, so I like to tie her up on the Xtian cross the other way around and ejaculate on her buttcrack after a good spanking. And since I am a switch, we then invert the cross afterwards and I allow her to tie me up upside down on it, where she then proceeds to take a baton and hit me repeatedly, on my testicles.

Milton Grits
6 years ago
Reply to  Kinky Atheist

If you are an athetits, why would you use a cross? Shake my head out loud.

Science2
Science2
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

I screwed your grandma today. she was really tight. And yeah, she hates you.

Science2
Science2
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Danielle Nekoosak “she was cleansed by Brother Lonnie’s golden shower of purity” i see what you did there Mister…

Don wallace
Don wallace
6 years ago

Achiement unlocked: New level of stupidity discovered!

Science2
Science2
6 years ago
Reply to  Don wallace

I will make this page a target for community. Flame then down with bullshit until it wont work anymore! Spread my message! CAUSE I`M YOUR GOD NOW! and i want you to pray for my big and tasty love-stick!