Money / Politics

Depraved Twitter User Hides Masturbation Supplies On College Campus

SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN) A user on the popular world wide web netsite “Twitter” hid 18 hidden caches of masturbation supplies on the Sacramento State University college campus early Tuesday morning. Multiple Sacramento State students and unrepentant masturbators in the city of Sacramento flocked to the campus to search for the hidden supplies. Some masturbators confirmed they found the gift baskets that contined a box of tissues and some hand lotion.

Just one of 18 hidden masturbation care packages found earlier today.

Just one of 18 hidden masturbation care packages found earlier today.

“Twitter” netsite user “@HiddenFaps” revealed several clues late Monday night. As most masturbators are slaves to the local news reports, this benefactor wisely posted the hints around the time that he knew the Big Masturbation controlled media would pick up on the story and help his cause. Also, as nothing else of note was happening, the local “NewsChopper” was used to film the masturbators running wild on the campus grounds looking for the free supplies.

Later this afternoon, it was confirmed that “@HiddenFaps” was giving out clues to masturbation supply locations around the California State Capitol. One can assume the State Government is complicit in this wanton display of irresponsibility. “@HiddenFaps” said the giveaways are a “fun way to give back to the masturbation community” and encouraged those who find the free tools of the sin trade to “pay it forward”.

Sacramento has been targeted as the new bastion of masturbation ever since “@HiddenFaps” mentioned they’d be invading the city a few weeks ago.

Always at the forefront of breaking masturbation news, I, Cathy Redmond have relocated to the area as clearly California is the new battleground on the war against masturbation.

Praise.


 

Cathy Redmond, reporting for StopMasturbationNow.org.

Cathy can be reached via her own netsite or on Facebook‘s netsite.

 

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Julian Taylor
6 years ago

Geofapping is a truly frightful use of techNOlogy!

Sensible Shoes Lesbian
Sensible Shoes Lesbian
6 years ago

AHH! My home town! Wonderful.
Wait, as a lady-masterbator it’s not really fapping, so it’s not really a sin, right?
Remember dykes, gents, ladies, and queers, rhythmic motion on the clit ‘ll do her all night long.

Fuck You
Fuck You
6 years ago

Whoever runs this website is a fucking tool. People can do whatever they want, why isn’t this “StopButtRape”.com at least people would give a shit.

GOD
GOD
6 years ago

I love how all these articles are from the same idiot who cant even use a spell checker that is on their browser, and they state that Facebook is evil and pro masturbation but they have a page there and a link for it.

Dan
Dan
6 years ago

I don’t understand why masturbation is so wrong. It has been medically proven to be good for you. I do it daily, sometimes more than once. That does not mean I will go to hell. I think whoever is running this site, just needs to rub one out so they can be happy like the rest of us!

Mark
Mark
6 years ago

Hi Cathy, thanks for your efforts for spreading your message. For me masturbating used to be a problem but i correct my self. Now i think i have another problem becouse when i want to masturbate i llok for sex and have an amazing sex and i think am good at this and it seems women likes it, i do it for love and for free. Is this a new problem or am i in the right path?? Also, how can i be in touch with Leroy Jenkinks? i want to make a donation to his labor. I will be… Read more »