Faces of Masturbation / Lifestyle / Politics / Press Release / Spot a Masturbator / Traditional Marriage

Masturbator Marries Herself

Houston TX (SMNN)

A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of rage and shame.

Non-Normal-Lesser-Gendered Yasmin Eleby, proudly married herself, in a direct affront to decency at the Houston non-Normals ‘Cultural’ center, in a ceremony containing many non-Normals, and most likely, Satan The Devil himself.

Eleby has promised to “Love herself” as a result of this marriage.

SMN spokesperson Dr Skippy Enis warns: ” Self marriage is self-gay, and I reckon it’s masturbatory. So this is sinnin’, and we don’t abide by sinnin’, and neither should you. I don’t care how non-Normal you are, this is just plain disgusting. This is what the masturbators are doin’ to our great land. Sickening. ”

Brother Lonnie Childs was unable to be contacted regarding this tragic event, as he is on location in Darkest Africa on the set of the film “The Goonies II: Rise of Sloth”. Reports tell us he retired to his mobile heli-carrier to contemplate this abomination, and commune with God and Jesus directly.

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Truffle
11 years ago

SWEET WHITE AMERICAN JESUS, WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END!!??!!

augustweisz
Admin
11 years ago

I weep for America today. This is why our movement cannot fail.

The Island Mexican
The Island Mexican
11 years ago

The Yanks are the laughing stock of the world

sneezy
sneezy
11 years ago

I always cry at weddings, and it stops up my nose. I quite going to weddings since I turned nosegay. Sniff sniff. Nah.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
11 years ago

So, like me in high school? As in “love yourself”. Just kidding. I was loved. But that film you mentioned is fake

Milton Grits
11 years ago

All of those women look like they got married to the buffet at some point.

FATWANG6969696
FATWANG6969696
10 years ago

CONTACT ME FOR A GOOD TIME PLEASE I NEED THE GOOOD TIME
-calebpounds@gmail.com
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