By TheRev Leroy Jenkins
SAFFORD, AZ (BLUFF Press, LLC) BLUFF Sexologist and lead HomoGay™ Conversion Therapist Nikita Shalavin has stumbled upon a cure for the Bad Ebola Zaire Virus using FiathFact™ proven methods that also cure HomoGayness™, The Bad AIDS, and Mental Retards. Ebola virus disease (EVD) or Ebola hemorrhagic fever (EHF) is the human disease caused by the Ebola virus and causes those afflicted with it to die from organ failure and bleeding to death from all bodily orifices. The Ebola virus was discovered in Zaire, Spear Mexico around the Ebola River Basin in 1939 by Missionary Lonnie “Lonald” Childs while during his missionary position there as lead BLUFF Anti-Masturbation Liaison to the UN. The honorable Reverend Doctor Lonnie Childs Esquire discovered that the virus only infected the Non-Normal Masturbation races, also that the Normal Non-Masturbation races have a natural immunity to the virus. Until today there was no known cure for Ebola, and the best prevention to catching the Bad Ebola virus is to Stop Masturbating Now.
The Cure is Discovered
Dr. Nikita Shalavin accidentally stumbled upon his cure while converting a a group of HomoGay™ masturbaters into Normals, he noticed that several of them were infected with The Bad Ebola virus before the holy conversion baptism immersion therapy in the Gila Rive. Shalavin notes”(They) were not only cured of the HomoGay™ but their Bad Ebola Virus had been miraculously converted to The Good Ebola” through my immersion therapy in the Holy Gila River.
Brother Nikita emerging from the Holy Gila River after another successful HomoGay Conversion Baptism
“I now have The Good Ebola”
Former HomoGay™ Masturbater & The Bad Ebola sufferer, Oliver Gentry, lamented; “I used to be a heavy masturbater and was arrested for inviting underage boys to my Start Masturbating Now events on Facebook, ever since my HomoGay™ conversion therapy I no longer suffer from masturbation palsy, satirical blindness, and I now have The Good Ebola.”
From HomoGay masturbater to man of Lonnie.
He goes on the say; “Since Nikita turned my life around, I have started a new venture where I take young pubescent boys into the wilderness and teach them to be ‘Macho Macho Man’ and no longer lead circle jerks for teen boys.”
Oliver’s Macho Macho Man wilderness experience for young boys.
BLUFF Holy Water Cure being flown to CDC
BLUFF Elders are en route to the CDC in Atlanta to share this miraculous cure for the Bad Ebola and soon this once deadly disease will be eradicated world wide. The official position of Stop Masturbation Now & The CDC is that prevention by not masturbating is still the best solution to this terrible plague.
God Bless,
TheRev Leroy Jenkins
TheRev Leory Jenkins is a Sr. Staff Writer for BLUFF Press, LLC.
785-274-0325 or TheRev@bluff.us.edu
I had no doubt of the healing powers of Brother Lonnie’s Golden Love Showers! Too bad that the unsaved and other non-normals are so averse to this healing ritual.
Virgin coconut oil works better.
Was this an important story? Only, I found myself gazing upon the picture of Brother Nikita and before I knew it, my 1 hour interwebz allowance was over…
Anyone know where I can buy a pair of tight orange underpants?
I thought the cure was bombing Africa. My bad.
There is no such thing as good Ebola, nor good AIDS. If you have Ebola or AIDS you have Ebola or AIDS.
There is good cholesterol.
This article is very misleading. Everyone who knows the Lord knows that Bad Ebola is a curse of Ham and Cheese left on Africa for those who ain’t white!!! READ THE BIBLE PEOPLE!!!!!
There is no good ebola, there is no good AIDS. They all can kill you.
There is no good disease.