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Has The Walking Dead’s Carl Started Masturbating?

(StopMasturbationNOW)—The Walking Dead is a popular show that airs on the A&E television network on Sunday evenings. The premise of the story is that due to the Obama administrations mismanagement, some strange plague falls on the land, it turns people into some strange zombie like creatures that they call “Eaters”.

Carl's Father, Rick Grimes

Carl’s Father, Rick Grimes

One of the main characters is a kid named Carl. Over the many years the show has been on the air, young Carl has grown up in front of viewers eyes and is now a teenager being raised in a wasteland. However this season Carl’s story has taken a strange turn. Carl seems to be sexually active even though he is not married. Masturbation expert and frequent television viewer Dr. Lonnie Childs thinks that Carl is now masturbating. “The signs are everywhere. He killed his Mother, he is out of control, he goes off on his own, doesn’t play sports, and causes trouble for his father. These are all telltale signs of teenage masturbation.”

At it is proven, masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease. It is probably a large contributor to the plague in the walking dead itself.

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Kenneth Day
6 years ago

I just assumed by the title this show was about the life and times of random masturbators and haven’t bothered to waste my precious time on it. “The Walking Dead” is definitely a slang term that would apply to masturbators since they’re all doomed to death and are walking around in denial.

amir
amir
6 years ago
Reply to  Kenneth Day

U sound like a retard this article is false and most if the stuff in it not even true the walking dead Is a epic show you sound and look like a dork lol why is there people like u in this world

amir
amir
6 years ago
Reply to  amir

I feel so bad for you man u been brainwashed by everyone u love and the government I honestly don’t get how you think like that your mind set I’m not trying to be mean cuz I’m actually a nice person but the way u talk feels like your more of a evil person then a good person I don’t judge on religion people can believe whatever they want but the way u talk and sound honestly scares me sir I believe in logic common sense all I’m trying to say it don’t be one of those people who lived… Read more »

Ricky
Ricky
6 years ago
Reply to  amir

I’m so glad this is satire because for a second I thought you were a legitimate fucktard and was considering suicide on behalf of the whole human race

Aarin
Aarin
5 years ago
Reply to  Kenneth Day

Excuse me? This is about a zombie outbreak. And who cares if someone masturbates? Its natural and doesn’t need to be frowned upon. There are bigger problems out there, like ISIS and war. Fucktard

Budge Psychogrits
Budge Psychogrits
6 years ago

The Fapping Dead.

Cathy Redmond
6 years ago

Any show that promotes teen masturbation is not worth bothering to seek out and watch. I’ve heard the characters die very frequently on this show so at least they got that part of masturbation correct.

Rhea Pollstry
6 years ago

Poor dear must have outgrown his Anti-Masturbation Cross.

amir
amir
6 years ago
Reply to  Rhea Pollstry

You have no idea what u talking about this is a false article like how dumb can u be don’t try to ruin the show for the true fans like me and 30 million other fans that watch and will watch the show thank u get a life talking about jerkoff and stuff is this what the world has come to ?

Connor
Connor
6 years ago
Reply to  amir

Dude, you realise all these peoples comments you are replying to are jokes right? They are not being serious. For Christ’s sake its a satirical article with satirical comments and you are taking them literal. You are calling all of these people dumb when they are going along with the joke. You are dumb for not realising that. Get a life and stop replying to all of their comments.

jon
jon
6 years ago

So masturbation will sned me or the other 99.9999999% of men to hell?

Jon
Jon
6 years ago

Send

JT
JT
6 years ago

You all are fucking stupid with this false anti-masturbation bullshit.

Nigel Covington
6 years ago

I always suspected Carl might turn to the dark side when he reached the age of his purity challenge. I too saw the derelict signs of evil coming out in Carl’s role, at first I didn’t want to believe it. I assumed it was just scripted for the role of Carl, but no longer. As a fan of the show who’s never missed an episode this latest season depicts Carl as having an addiction for violating himself. Carl plays his role as a vile self-rapist to the hilt. The only way he could be so convincing in his role isn’t… Read more »

Nigel Covington
6 years ago

Moderation?

Howard Demarco
Howard Demarco
6 years ago

I knew this show was a tribute to masturbation right from the start, so I never watched it. A steady diet of Roy Rogers westerns, John Wayne war movies, and Dr. Who fuels me with the love of Christ and his fierce hatred of masturbation.

amir
amir
6 years ago
Reply to  Howard Demarco

You are dumb my kind sir I hate people that don’t know what there talking but it’s like listening to an idiot there is no jerking off on the walking dead lmao what’s wrong with u people fucking weirdos

Fred quad
Fred quad
6 years ago
Reply to  amir

I’ll smack your little buttcheeks mr.

Marie
6 years ago
Reply to  amir

Would you please learn what satire is, and how to recognize it? Please? For your own sake. Because you really make yourself look like a far more ignorant fool than any of these commentators would be if they were serious.

Satanlovesyou
Satanlovesyou
6 years ago

Please tell me that you all are joking. You’re nothing but a bunch of ignorant Christians. Masturbation and sex are two very natural things in humans and animals alike. You all need help if you think that the walking dead has anything to do with masturbation. And just to let you know, you don’t go to hell because of sexual activity. Hell doesn’t exist besides in the book that you all put so much faith into. Also your book, the bible, is filled with rape and murder. Even complete genocide of the entire human race. And you think the walking… Read more »

amir
amir
6 years ago
Reply to  Satanlovesyou

Never heard nothing more stupider in my life u my kind sir is what we call confused and retarded lmao there is no her king off in the walking dead only blood and gore and good story and acting get a life

amir
amir
6 years ago
Reply to  amir

Wrong person my bad lol that was for the other guy lol

dave
dave
6 years ago

Its true 100% of masturbators die and go to hell where they jack off the devil and get glazed in his glorious devil cum. That’s how deamons are born male and female masturbatrs going to hell to get the devil to butternut all over themb

amir
amir
6 years ago
Reply to  dave

I’m guessing you honestly don’t see that u sound like the devil u speak like the devil my kind sir u need to find god in your life I’d y say u already did that’s bullshit because there’s no way God would want u talking like that amen

dave
dave
6 years ago

You know who else is a masturbating sinner that michone lady also I heard she voices her own opinion. What is the world coming to. Another thing about that self rapist I hear she’s a black women. Who’d have thought a black women on tv. In this day and age, sinners masturbators and opinionated women all on a channel I can easily avoid by chancing but as a white American Christian I feel I shouldn’t succumb to the lowliness of doing something without the approval of fox news first. Amen, Hitler did nothing wrong and was anti masturbation too.

amir
amir
6 years ago
Reply to  dave

You my kind sir sound like the devil him self I hope to god I never meet you

suck it
suck it
6 years ago

I MASTURBATE BITCHES.

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  suck it

I PRAY AT MASTURBATORS

Mimzy LuxuryKiller
Mimzy LuxuryKiller
6 years ago

This is Too stupid!!!!! The fucking trolls are great!!!!! XD

Brett Bowers
6 years ago

I love GOD but u are all stupid there is no masturbating in the show at all what so Ever. So u ppl like to try to ruin stuff 4 everyone,and everywhere but not me bunch of dumbass’es. GO OUT AND RUIN UR MARRIAGE,LIFE,FAMILY,OR SOMTHING IN UR LIFE NOT EVERYBODY ELSE’S

amir
amir
6 years ago
Reply to  Brett Bowers

I agree with you there people are crazy crazy ain’t the word I never new people who love and believe in there religion could be so dum evil no sense making people o my lord

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  Brett Bowers

You have masturbation rage! Praying at you now, m’am!

not real
not real
6 years ago

“The wanking dead”

Mo
Mo
6 years ago

Is anyone aware of the glorious sarcasm and satire present?

Marie
6 years ago
Reply to  Mo

Everyone but Amir and the guy s/he just agreed with 3 comments up.

Kitty Hendricks
6 years ago

Please dear god tell me this is satire

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

The walking dead?

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago

The Walking Dead is a documentary. It’s not satire.

No one important
No one important
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

That’s hilarious, your trying to be smart.

new God of Gehenna
new God of Gehenna
6 years ago

._. Tis the most retarded think I’ve ever read. You uptight religious humans are stupid.

new God of Gehenna
new God of Gehenna
6 years ago

*thing

Marcus Blood
Marcus Blood
6 years ago

You people are fucking retards. Anti-Masturbation? This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life. You make Jesus cry with your stupid bullshit. Especially all you people commenting about how true or good this article is. It’s all a bunch of bullshit. I hope when you all die Jesus smacks the shit out of you and sends you to Hell for being so stupid.

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  Marcus Blood

Masturbation is self-rape. It’s disgusting that you support it.

matthew
matthew
6 years ago

Not only is he masturbating, I think the next few episodes, he might be having premarital sex. Carl is not a good boy, and he will be punished soon. Rick is a terrible father for letting all of his people keep masturbating or having premarital sex, then dying. That’s why they’ve all died. Everyone hates Chris because he had premarital sex with Beth. That’s why he died. Clearly it’s an epidemic. I pray for their souls, but I doubt any of them will survive.

Bielzibub McDevilcum
Bielzibub McDevilcum
6 years ago

I’m masturbating right now, like, I’m typing this one handed. See you in hell, fuckers, because that’s where your ignorant interpretation on God’s intent is taking you.

Peace, niggas

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago

2edgy4me

Jerklizzard
Jerklizzard
6 years ago

After reading this shit of an article has caused me to want to jerk it. Masterbation is so wonderful, it pains me that you have forsaken this wonderous act, because a book told you to.

Lonnie Childs
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  Jerklizzard

*masturbation

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Jerklizzard obviously suffers from masturbation rage.

Layla Rayne
Layla Rayne
6 years ago

This is so stupid. God isn’t real, the bible is a fictional book and prayer is just talking to an imaginary friend. Grow up and get a life.

jonny
jonny
6 years ago

I masturbate frequently to the show its a nice way to blow off steam after burning churches and eating Christians

Marie
6 years ago
Reply to  jonny

lmao^ 😀 I’d sit around the burning church grilling tasty Westboro Baptists with you, sir.

Master Bates
Master Bates
6 years ago

Is this satire? Is this post even real? Do people actually believe this? xD

Phillip blake
Phillip blake
6 years ago

First off ,i believe in god, and i masturbate, but people who support this article, and believe in it, they are fucking retards. Realise that this is just a show and not real. Its all script, thats why its called acting. Maybe if you guys werent suck closed-minded assholes, who would just calm down and take EVERY SINGLE DETAIL ABOUT THE BIBLE SO SERIOUSLY, then maybe we can have pease. And stop telling people that they are condemned to hell. Maybe if you had a better, and nicer and more logical approach, maybe people wouldnt insult you that much. You… Read more »

Sam the Bone Slayer
Sam the Bone Slayer
6 years ago

The Walking Stiffies. 2014 theme song: Take Me Out in the Morning Wood

Sanjay.
5 years ago

War is the result of masturbation- it causes a deranged mind, is bad karma for the soul, and makes one murder- or be murdered, it also causes untimely death, I’m a Hindu, the scriptures say losing semen is a cause of a horrible death, whether old or young, I’m sure this involves shooting.

nicole
nicole
5 years ago

please Dr. Who is a show about a normally attractive man who travels with normally attractive women. There is so much sexual tension on the tardis that the Doctor and his lady friend probably masturbate so much that it smells. So stop kidding yourself heathen. I love the show for that reason

nicole
nicole
5 years ago

Of course he masturbates. Have you seen the women with him Maggie, Rosita, Enid and Tara are all worthy of masturbation. I’m a female and I masturbate to them I’m 99% sure Tara does it just as much if not more then Carl. Since shes a single lesbian surrounded by so many beautiful straight women.