Faith Fact Series

Brother Lonald Foils the Devil Again

Note: The following is a excerpt from the King Lonald Holy Bible, a more accurate account of God and Christ.

…and so it was that Brother Lonald, adhering to the Lord’s Calling to deliver the message of self rape abstinence to the afflicted third world countries of tribal Africa, was confronted by terrorist hijackers aboard a DC10 en route to Kenya.

The leader of the sinful band of sand tribals, Ali Haja Aboodabi, ordered his men to commandeer the aircraft shortly after it left US airspace with the intent to reroute it to Al Queada headquarters in Iraq.

Six satanic arabiatic hijackers sprang from aisle seats with box cutters in hand. Each atheist muslim terrorist had boarded the aircraft posing as Italians with phoney passports and identification credentials. All were now wearing turbinic head coverings. All had taken strategery positions to implement shock and awe on the passengers and crew.

They had not fathomed the presence of Brother Lonald, messenger of the Lord.

Just as one of Ali’s henchmen was prepared to slit the throat of a fully breasted stewardess, Brother Lonald rose to his feet and shouted, “Stop, in the name of White Man’s God!”

Stunned, the hijacking terrorists stopped and starred at Lonald as Aboodabi approached. “Sit down and shut your mouth, infidel,” cried the terror kingpin through his astute but equally wicked interpreter.

Brother Lonald, filled with God’s power and grace, raised his right hand and snapped his fingers, setting his index finger alight. The astounding display and hypnotic glow of the fire mystified the hijackers as it hovered just above Lonald’s raised finger.

Suddenly, six sheathes of blinding fire containing God’s Fury and Might shot from Lonald’s finger and incinerated the towel-headed terror six, leaving only piles of ash where they stood.

Lonald blew his finger. The fire disappeared with a popping spark. The passengers and flight crew applauded. Brother Lonald then snapped his fingers once for the mass to silence, and twice to erase their brains of the traumatic memory of that which they had witnessed, leaving only the thankful stewardess with recollection of the event. She had been sent back to fix the inflight meal of the passengers’ choice of chicken breast or ravioli.

That woman became concubine to Brother Lonald on his African Mission, her life changed forever. She devoted the remaining days of her life to serve Brother Lonnie within his flock and testify to his good works in the name of God.

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Truffle
7 years ago

Amen!

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago

Fluffle you’re up pretty late. Are you having trouble sleeping after the gang bang?

Korean Jesus
Korean Jesus
7 years ago

Lonnie today I had an amazing expirence I was siting on my porch drinking a beer and I FUCKED HER RIGHT IN THEN PUSSY and that was Cathy Redmond. Yes, the carpet matches the drapes!

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago
Reply to  Korean Jesus

I also FUCKED HER DOG RIGHT IN THE POOPER sloppy seconds were ok but nothing beats a hot canine reacharound.

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago

Thanks for clearing that up korean jesus! I wasn’t sure that I wanted her as the clean up bitch for the circle jerk. But now that I know that the carpet matches the curtains I’m pretty confident that she can serve as the clean up bitch!

Lonnie Childs
Admin
7 years ago

Those Arabs never stood a chance when confronted with the love and grace of my ministry! Praise!

Howard Demarco
Howard Demarco
7 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

God Bless you Lonnie. Not only did He bless you with charismatic powers, but He apparently did so in front of a planeload of jungle folk. They eat that stuff up. By the way: please get the heathen owners of Barnes and Nobles to carry the King Lonald Bible. I want 7 or 20 copies. Praise on high!!!!

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
7 years ago

Brother Lonnie is an inspiration!

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

I have your jism dripping off my face from being your bitch boy!

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago
Reply to  Cassidy Pen

Quit fucking around with my posts!

Milton Grits
7 years ago

Brother Lonnie knows how to stop extreme Muslamicists! Unlike our feckless and reckless leaders in the White House.

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago
Reply to  Milton Grits

I should Shut up because I’m a HOMo!

Jimmy
Jimmy
7 years ago
Reply to  Milton Grits

Quit fucking with my posts i was talking to (HO) Moe!

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago

Wait, no one realized he said “Muslim Atheists” even though being Atheist means you don’t have religious beliefs and a Muslim is a follower of Islam, which is a religion.

A Smart Guy
A Smart Guy
6 years ago

Oh yeah, Lonnie, you’re fat. Like obese. Ever hear the word diet?