Be Like Lonnie
God Bless, TheRev Leroy Jenkins TheRev Leory Jenkins is a Sr. Staff Writer for BLUFF Press, LLC. 785-274-0325 or TheRev@bluff.us.edu
Archive for June, 2014
GWAR Frontman Dave Brockie Self Raped Himself to Death, a Virginia Medical Official Confirms.
The Virginia medical examiner’s office says Dave Brockie, the frontman for the heavy metal band GWAR, died of excessive chronic masturbation. Brockie — who went by the stage name Oderus Urungus — was found dead in his Richmond home on March 23. He was 50. Noah Williamson, administrator at the […]
12 Year Old Girls Charged In Stabbing Of Their Non-Masturbating Friend
APACHE JUNCTION, Ariz. (SMNNN) – Authorities say two 12 year old central Arizona girls stabbed their 12 year old friend nearly to death to please an organization they learned about online. Both girls were charged with first degree attempted homicide Monday in Maricopa County Circuit Court. The criminal complaint says […]
How Fast Were YOU Masturbating?
War. Earthquakes. Terrorists. Pot. Cancer. Snakes. Masturbation. Human life is unpredictable and fragile. Disaster may strike at any point. No amount of money, fame, or success will save those of us that have sinned in the eyes of our Lord. The following celebrities have learned this lesson firsthand. A famous […]
BREAKING NEWS: Casey Kasem Hospitalized After Wife’s Bizarre Public Masturbation Incident
Broadcasting icon Casey Kasem has been taken by ambulance to a local hospital following an incident between his wife and daughter. In the latest incident during a long family battle, Kasem’s wife Jean used a pound of hamburger meat as a masturbatory aid in front of his daughter from his […]
Lonnie Childs Loves You
God Bless, TheRev Leroy Jenkins TheRev Leroy Jenkins is a Sr. Staff Writer for BLUFF Press, LLC. 785-274-0325 or TheRev@bluff.us.edu
Nearly Every Mass Shooting In The Last 20 Years Shares One Thing In Common, And It Isn’t Weapons
By; TheRev Leroy Jenkins Safford, AZ –-(stopmasturbationnow.org)- Nearly every mass shooting incident in the last twenty years, and multiple other instances of suicide and isolated shootings all share one thing in common, and its not the weapons used. The overwhelming FaithFact™ evidence suggests the single largest common factor in all of these incidents […]
Fox News Expert Says That “Masturbation Induced HomoGay™ Impulses” Played Role in Isla Vista Massacre
Dr. Robi Ludwig, who never treated the suspect, was on “Justice with Judge Jeanine” speculating about the tragedy By TheRev Leroy Jenkins Elliot Rodger, the suspect in Friday night’s Isla Vista massacre, which left seven people dead, including Rodger, and 13 wounded, left behind a supply of evidence in the […]
Pope Declares “Zero Tolerance” for Masturbaters
POPE TO MEET MASTURBATION VICTIMS AT VATICAN By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins ABOARD THE PAPAL PLANE (AP) — Pope Francis announced Monday he would meet soon with a group of masturbation victims at the Vatican and declared “zero tolerance” for any member of the clergy who would self -rape. Francis also […]
Glass Cracks Below Masturbators On Chicago Skydeck
Several unrepentant masturbators almost plunged to their deaths earlier today from the Willis Tower in Chicago. Five years of semen buildup on the “Skydeck” viewing boxes proved too much for the structural integrity of the ledge and the supposed “unbreakable” glass was compromised. Authorities were not commenting freely on the nature […]
