Articles by: Cassidy Pen

Masturbation Triggered Japasian Landslides

Masturbation Triggered Japasian Landslides

HIROSHIMA, Japasia – The devastating landslides that rocked Japasia and caused numerous deaths and billions of yen worth of property damage were determined to have been triggered by massive and furious masturbation, according to scientists working for the Foundation For a Better Tomorrow. Although the communist government does not officially […]

by August 25, 2014 26 comments World
The Temptations of the Camel Toe

The Temptations of the Camel Toe

Indeed, the camel toe is Satan’s powerful weapon in his war to destroy your soul. A camel toe is a slang used to describe the shape and appearance of certain female boxes. When a woman jams her lower torso into today’s tight modern shorts, pant suits and thin fabric panties, […]

by August 20, 2014 12 comments Lifestyle
B.L.U.F.F. Approves Lux Kebab Soap

B.L.U.F.F. Approves Lux Kebab Soap

Now on sale at the B.L.U.F.F. Commissary. Thanks, AD

by August 18, 2014 2 comments Trending
Ebola Discovered Spread Via Masturbation

Ebola Discovered Spread Via Masturbation

SIERRA LEONE – A French foreign aid worker has contracted the Ebola virus through masturbation. The World Health Organization morns the loss of a brave volunteer, Jorge Pierre-Francios, who was assisting the infected in a makeshift Ebola treatment center in Sierra Leone. Previous infections of the virus have been through […]

by August 14, 2014 6 comments World
Bionic “Glov” Masturbator in Development

Bionic “Glov” Masturbator in Development

SMN Labs-The newest threat from Big Masturbation is soon to become retail. A group of non-normal perverts in Tampa, FL have started “Glovin Life” to promote the sin delights females can acheive with a device named simply, ‘The Glov.” Ladies with carpel tunnel pain can now experience dip-diddlings and pounding […]

by August 12, 2014 12 comments Science
B.L.U.F.F. Female Masturbation Detection

B.L.U.F.F. Female Masturbation Detection

SMN -My dear friends in Christ. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, being the first and only needed reference on the topic of morality, contains certain instructions and responsibilities that Christian […]

by August 8, 2014 30 comments Self-Rape Prevention
New Sex Toys Allow Wifi Masturbation

New Sex Toys Allow Wifi Masturbation

A New Hampshire-based company run by sinful females has introduced new sex toys using wifi technology. The toys, designed to allow two or more users to mutually masturbate themselves, blur the line between masturbation and the righteous expression of love. Robot sex innovations have advanced self rape technology in evil […]

by August 5, 2014 23 comments Lifestyle
The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin. Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by […]

by July 30, 2014 23 comments Self-Rape Prevention
New Big Masturbation Sin Device (Video!)

New Big Masturbation Sin Device (Video!)

B.L.U.F.F. — Big Masturbation has released a horrifying new masturbation device in the guise of exercise equipment. Please protect your children by reporting and picketing the stores that are selling this device. WARNING: THIS VIDEO CONTAINS HORRIFYING DISPLAYS OF SIN AND SODOMY. PLEASE REMOVE WOMEN, CHILDREN, AND OTHER WEAK-MINDED INDIVIDUALS […]

by July 21, 2014 13 comments Money
Web of Trust (WOT)…Agents of Big Masturbation

Web of Trust (WOT)…Agents of Big Masturbation

The once reliable “Web of Trust” (WOT) add-in for Firefox and Bing-based Browsers has given in to both real and imagined sanctions and bad will brought forth by Big Masturbation against this website. It is truly a sad thing when another reputable guardian for our children gives in to the […]

by July 16, 2014 7 comments Self-Rape Prevention
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