Articles by: Cassidy Pen

Ban the Term “Diddly-squat”

Ban the Term “Diddly-squat”

In this week’s “Ranting Towards Redemption With Brother Cassidy” column, I provide insight toward the use of a phrase that I find highly unacceptable due to its offending nature. My dear friends in Christ Through the Lonaldian Way, as many of you are aware, I minister to troubled youths and […]

by December 9, 2014 9 comments Morals
Words of Hope and Inspiration-With Brother Cassidy

Words of Hope and Inspiration-With Brother Cassidy

If a man desires to place his tallywhacker inside the anal rump of his lessor gendered normal same race appointed spouse (LGN SRAS), he is committing the homogay. It does NOT matter if the brown star entry is behind a flesh cave or behind a dangling tallywhacker; the anus chute […]

by December 2, 2014 16 comments Morals
Local War Hero Battles City Hall

Local War Hero Battles City Hall

Please congratulate B.L.U.F.F.’s own, Cassidy Pen, for his successful efforts to sandpaper small hand tool handles in Stafford. The newspaper writeup follows:

by November 25, 2014 16 comments Politics
Brother Cassidy’s Street Ministry: A Dire Warning!

Brother Cassidy’s Street Ministry: A Dire Warning!

My dear friends in Christ through Lonnie’s Way, please hear my words as I speak them and trumpet them to all lands of the world! These end times are surely upon us, as the irrefutable warnings have been heard. The events are at hand. This is the Faith of the […]

by November 3, 2014 7 comments World
Disturbing Video: Panda Caught Self-raping

Disturbing Video: Panda Caught Self-raping

The Wicked Wildlife Federation, in association with agents from Big Masturbation have released a disturbing video. The grainy, shaking, out-of-focus footage shows a psychotic panda with glazed eyes, oblivious to the world, shaking his sin stick with vigor and reckless abandon until streams of seedy ejaculate are squirted into the air with […]

by October 21, 2014 10 comments Animals
King Lonald Holy Bible-A Reading From the Book of Bromans

King Lonald Holy Bible-A Reading From the Book of Bromans

“that if you profess with your mouth the Lonaldian creed of Thy Lord Jesus and believe in thou shalt remain placidly until Almighty God has raised It upon His command, you will be saved. For with those that cease their self-raping ways in the glory that one believes unto thy […]

by October 17, 2014 6 comments King Lonald Holy Bible
Skittles-The Official Candy of Big Masturbation

Skittles-The Official Candy of Big Masturbation

Many of you know or have heard of Governor Mick Huckleberry of Arkansas. He has done a mountainous job of exposing the lies and under cover game plan of the far left with his actions when in office and on his current events program on the otherwise liberal fox news […]

by October 13, 2014 4 comments Big Masturbation
Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

The Foundation For a Better Tomorrow in association with B.L.U.F.F. has confirmed that a new super strain of Ebola is passed to hosts through masturbation. The virus clings to the outer skin palettes and is launched airborne at the moment of masturbatory climactic release, becoming airborne and susceptible to transmission […]

by October 12, 2014 8 comments Science
A Sad Story, But One That Must Be Told…

A Sad Story, But One That Must Be Told…

<Anbar Provence> A young marine, private Lance P. Henderson, of Scottsdale, AZ, was deployed to the Anbar Provence of Afghaninstasia to assist in executing the terror wars. His duties, clearly defined by his company commander, included patrol duties around a mountainous terrain where enemy confrontation was somewhat likely. Before his […]

by October 7, 2014 11 comments Death
The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

B.L.U.F.F. – My Dear Friends in Christ, you have been recently enlightened on this Holy Webpage with guidelines to prevent masturbation in your young daughter’s life. The B.L.U.F.F. Finger Sniff Test was presented with the blessings of the Faith Facts Eldership. It has also been proven to be a most […]

by October 6, 2014 19 comments Self-Rape Prevention
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