Articles by: Cassidy Pen

Sale on B.L.U.F.F. Blinders! Button her Down…

Sale on B.L.U.F.F. Blinders! Button her Down…

Men! Do you take a look around and wonder what kind of hell has gotten into women today? Does your spouse’s eyes frequently wander toward some damned afternoon-killing mall sale where she’s going to run into some jabber-mouthed friend to yak with for hours on end pretending to hide her […]

by October 1, 2014 2 comments Trending
Proper Pumpkin Carving

Proper Pumpkin Carving

My dear friends in Christ. To avoid the near occasion of self rape sin, B.L.U.F.F. recommends individuals take up a hobby or seasonal pursuit. One such endeavour is pumpkin carving. The above chart illustrates just how easy it is to have a fun filled afternoon carving a pumpkin.

by October 1, 2014 11 comments Self-Rape Prevention
Queen-Live at the Rainbow ‘74

Queen-Live at the Rainbow ‘74

We may have figured we’d heard the last of them, but the sinister homosexual noise band, Queen, has released another splattering of dread onto the faces of the public. The deeply offensive tracks in their current live album were actually taken from a concert that occurred years ago. The music […]

by September 24, 2014 4 comments Celebrity
The Menstrual Hut

The Menstrual Hut

The Menstrual Hut Procedures and Guidelines *Note: The following is a living document subject to refinement, adjustment, and reinterpretation by Brother Lonnie in conjunction with the B.L.U.F.F. Council of Elders (Eldership). Revisions may occur without notice; however, they become Campus Law as soon as they are bound to print. Any […]

by September 23, 2014 20 comments Faith Fact Series
Thou Shall Make NFL Sunday a Holy Day

Thou Shall Make NFL Sunday a Holy Day

Oh, righteous of women, serve your man the brewed nectar of grain and hops for with he shall enjoy the nfl action. Make not appearances without a scrumptious snack or beverage in silent servitude, for the action is intense and worthy of thy male eyes. Forthwith, during halftime, pleasure thou […]

by September 21, 2014 4 comments Family Values, Lonnie Childs, Sports
A Button-down Appointed Spouse…

A Button-down Appointed Spouse…

Brother Lonald explains to his followers, The need for Christianity to be at the forefront of preventing self-rape and other flesh sins is apparent. The devil seeks to destroy your soul by breaking down your human structure. Satan knows that a human being built with Jesus as the foundation is […]

by September 15, 2014 6 comments Family Values
Solar flares joins the list of self rape excuses

Masturbator Caught! Blames Solar Flares!

NEWBERRY PALMS, CA – Earlier today, 15 year old Cindy Saccapelli committed the sin of masturbation at her Catholic place of learning. When first responding school officials questioned her, she claimed the stains on her cheerleader uniform were caused by solar flares. The cheerleaders of Our Lady of the Blessed […]

by September 11, 2014 3 comments Science
Study Confirms B.L.U.F.F. Men Have Larger Penis Size

Study Confirms B.L.U.F.F. Men Have Larger Penis Size

BLUFF HQ-STAFFORD, AZ – A recent study just concluded by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) in association with The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow has confirmed what we at the SMN Ministry knew all along – the men of B.L.U.F.F. have substantially larger penis sizes than those of […]

by September 7, 2014 31 comments Faith Fact Series
Brother Lonald Foils the Devil Again

Brother Lonald Foils the Devil Again

Note: The following is a excerpt from the King Lonald Holy Bible, a more accurate account of God and Christ. …and so it was that Brother Lonald, adhering to the Lord’s Calling to deliver the message of self rape abstinence to the afflicted third world countries of tribal Africa, was […]

by September 5, 2014 17 comments Faith Fact Series
Cassidy’s Thought for the Day

Cassidy’s Thought for the Day

Focus not on temptation flesh sins as the devil wills for you, For he cares only for the ruin of your soul. Saturated with the tears from Jesus and angels, Empty burning hell’s torment is your eternal toll. Focus instead on the graces gained from flaccidity, For your reward in […]

by September 1, 2014 4 comments Morals
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