Articles by: Cassidy Pen

Willie Nelson Death Hoax

Willie Nelson Death Hoax

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by April 13, 2015 3 comments Celebrity
Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Ty Cobb

Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Ty Cobb

<STOP MASTURBATION NOW!> Born December 18, 1886 in Rural Georgia only one generation after the war between the states, Tyrus Raymond “Ty” Cobb became one of baseball’s greatest players and a pioneer in the struggle against masturbation. Cobb is credited with setting over 90 baseball records with a hard nosed […]

by March 25, 2015 3 comments Sports
MASTURBATION ALERT! Bert Strips Pose a Clear and Present Self-Rape Threat

MASTURBATION ALERT! Bert Strips Pose a Clear and Present Self-Rape Threat

B.L.U.F.F. (Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts) has raised the overall self rape level to Orange-Imminent Threat of Self-Rape detected. The Facebook Rise of the Butthurt has published a series of “Bertstrips.” These crude cartoons pose an imminent threat of self rape! The following is official information from the B.L.U.F.F. […]

by March 23, 2015 6 comments Self-Rape Prevention
A Reading From the Book of Exit Us

A Reading From the Book of Exit Us

25:1 And the LORD spake unto Lonald, saying, 25:2 Speak unto the superior gendered children of B.L.U.F.F., that they bring me offerings: of every self celibate that giveth it willingly with his pure heart ye shall take my offering. 25:3 And this is the offering which ye shall take of […]

by March 19, 2015 2 comments King Lonald Holy Bible
For the Masturbator

For the Masturbator

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by March 16, 2015 11 comments Self-Rape Prevention
Study: Femanists File Rape Claims at Higher Rates than Normal Women

Study: Femanists File Rape Claims at Higher Rates than Normal Women

A Cassidy Pen Investigative Report… In the years since the so called “sexual revolution” of the 1960’s, the topic of sexual promiscuity and the line separating it from undesired advances and ultimately, assault, has blurred. What was once a playful slap on the rump of the tight-skirted secretary is now […]

by March 6, 2015 7 comments Science
New “Wank Band” Looking for “Beater Testers”

New “Wank Band” Looking for “Beater Testers”

WARNING: Explicit Content. Please remove women, children, and other weak-minded individuals from the room. Make sure your computer or Bing device speakers are turned down. [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzjeAaLbM5k] More HERE

by February 27, 2015 25 comments Big Masturbation
Internets Meems Warning!

Internets Meems Warning!

WARNING: Do not be tricked by certain internets meems. Some may appear to be spiritual and comforting, my dear friends in Christ through Brother Lonnie, but they are merely a ploy by Big Masturbation to promote self rape. Take this one, for instance. Note the nasty underbelly to this filth. […]

by January 31, 2015 13 comments Family Values
Interview With a Masturbator: James the Juggalo

Interview With a Masturbator: James the Juggalo

Detroit, MI – My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way, in this edition of IWAM, I sat down (without shaking hands) with James Pearson, a 19 year old Juggalo, who naturally lives in the basement of his parent’s home in an undisclosed suburb of Detroit. Although of normal […]

by January 29, 2015 9 comments Faces of Masturbation
A Third World Christmas

A Third World Christmas

By: Cassidy Pen, USMC (ret.) My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way, as you hopefully are putting the finishing touches on your preparations to celebrate the Birthday of Baby Jesus with your appointed spouses and loved ones, I’d like to share a true Christmas story from the past during […]

by December 18, 2014 4 comments History
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