Politics

Evil Masturbation Terrorists Caught at Border

Yo Quiero, TX — Security agents from Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) have been sent to patrol the border and deal with a dangerous faction of illegal immigrants.

The announcement comes at a time when US Border Patrol Agents report an increase in masturbation terrorists crossing into the United States from Mexico. These particular cells are under orders to infiltrate American Society and promote a masturbatory lifestyle, polluting the minds and backsides of normal skin-toned children.

The specific group, Latino Self-Rapists Dedicated to the Destruction of Goodness, or LSDDOG, has grown in prevalence throughout the non-normal areas of world. Their La Raza view opposing American normalcy is a clear and present threat to law-abiding folk.

Having thrown up their collective hands at the failures of the US Border Patrol to stop this insurgency, the Eldership of B.L.U.F.F. has ordered security deployed to the border. Their task will be discovering illegal entrants to the US and holding suspects in custody until they can be turned over to proper deportation authorities.

“B.L.U.F.F. is dedicated to fighting the influence of Big Masturbation on society,” said Tom Downey, spokesperson for B.L.U.F.F. “We must make a dent in the plague of Big Masturbation because normal American culture is at high risk.”

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Jason McKay
Jason McKay
6 years ago

It is well known Mexicans are self rapers,it is time a Berlin type wall was built to stop masturbaters going to the good ole U.S of A.

Lilith
Lilith
6 years ago

Posts like these I wonder if you people are even serious. Not only is this entire post based off unsourced lies on factions that don’t even EXIST but it is extremely racist towards Mexico and Latinos. At this point there are literally only two possibilities of what this website and it’s serious visitors are, teenagers who are playing a overcomplicated joke OR bigoted Christians with nothing to do but bash people for something they do behind closed doors or people of a different country by calling them all “self-rapists” which in itself is extremely triggering/angering to the people who actually… Read more »

Bitchy
6 years ago
Reply to  Lilith

I am pretty sure now that this website isn’t serious 😉

u kidding m8?
u kidding m8?
6 years ago
Reply to  Bitchy

I mean, names like bluff ans lsddog, LOL xD

Truffle
6 years ago

These filthy masturbationist terrorists need to be unarmed and stamped out. The sooner the better! Even the IRA were courteous enough to give 30 minute pre-warnings of impending disaster.

Cathy Redmond
6 years ago

Good to see the Great American, Tom Downey, getting some press.

Praise.

Jeff Guillen
Jeff Guillen
6 years ago

I am a masturbation terrorist I am cumming for you all!!!!! Hail satan!!!!!

Tywin Lannister
Tywin Lannister
6 years ago

So what exactly are masturbation terrorists?
Do the kill people who masturbate? Or do the masturbate to kill people? Or do they kill people because the masturbate? Or do the kill people while masturbating?