Morals / Sports / Trending

Hot New “Wheelin’ and Feelin'” Trend Claims Another Life

Orange County, CA – A family is left grieving and planning arrangements today as the new “Wheelin and Feelin” craze sweeping the nation claims another young life.

Onlookers shocked as Outlaw WAF riders risk their lives for a quick thrill.

Onlookers shocked as Outlaw WAF riders risk their lives for a quick thrill.

At approximately 11:15 AM, in sunny Laguna Beach, CA, one child has been pronounced dead and another is injured in what is being referred to as the worst Wheelin’ and Feelin'” accident to date. Officials have requested that the identity of the child be left anonymous until arrangements have been made and all friends and family have been notified.

“Wheelin’ and Feelin,'” or “WAF,” as the kids like to refer to it, is the act of touching one’s genitals while riding a Big Wheel, Tricycle, Green Machine, or other 3 wheeled cycle. Popular with street

"Mack Bubba," a notorious WAF rider and spokesperson for the fad, riding through the streets of Laguna.

“Mack Bubba,” a notorious WAF rider and spokesperson for the fad, riding through the streets of Laguna.

gangs and Motorcycle Outlaws during the 70’s, this shocking practice has caught on with the youth of America – with dangerous consequences.

“Honestly, I don’t know how to stop it. It seems like more and more kids are doing it every day. This week, we have incarcerated at least three minors,” states Joe Murphy, Orange County deputy. “It used to be just the coloreds, but now it’s seeping over into our neighborhood. We have to put a stop to this. This ain’t just something those people over there do – this is right in our own yards. These are the children of the future.”

Last year, WAF claimed the lives of 4 of America’s middle-class youth, and today’s death brings this year’s number to 2. Authorities are working hard to prevent future occurrences, but it doesn’t look good, say many police officers on the street.

“People need to realize that this isn’t just some passing phase. This has been around a while, and with last year’s deaths in Ohio and Kentucky, we can assure you that it is spreading across the country,” stated Sarah Pennington, standing commander of Beach Patrol at San Clemente.

Mack Bubba has been gaining nationwide attention for his Wheelin’ and Feelin’ Awesomatic®, a specially designed tricycle that he rides through the streets. The tricycle has automatic steering and GPS controlled navigation, enabling the rider to freely masturbate while riding through dangerous traffic among automobiles and commercial vehicles. “Mack Bubba,” as he is known on the streets of Laguna, declined an interview.

The family grieves as they are given the news regarding today's fatal accident.

The family grieves as they are given the news regarding today’s fatal accident.

“I wish I would have saw the signs before it was too late. I wish I could see my baby one more time. I wish I had never told him that masturbation is a perfectly natural thing. Maybe then I would still be holding his precious little filthy hands in mine,” said the mother of the deceased ( name not disclosed upon request.)

 

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Cathy Redmond
7 years ago

I was previously unaware of this growing problem. Thank you bringing it into the light on the Holy Netsite, Shelly!

Praise.

No.
No.
7 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Fuck you

iMasturbateAndIsAGirl
iMasturbateAndIsAGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  No.

I’m with you on this.
This shit is so ridiculous.

This is why religion is complete bullshit!!

shellyrichey
7 years ago

I’m so sorry that you feel religion is “bullshit.” You have that right, however. Just as you have the right to be a self-raping slut who sells her vagina for a quarter at the arcade.

No.
No.
7 years ago
Reply to  ShellyRichey

Fuck you

No.
No.
7 years ago
Reply to  ShellyRichey

God luck getting laid then.

iMasturbateAndIsAGirl
iMasturbateAndIsAGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  ShellyRichey

I’ll think about you the next time I masturbate.

There’s nothing you can do about it.

shellyrichey
7 years ago

You’re right. There’s nothing we can do – except pray at you to stop this horrid mockery of Lonnie and Jesus. Heaven – or masturbate in hell. Your choice.

augustweisz
Admin
7 years ago

This kind of thing just didn’t happen when we had a white president.

No.
No.
7 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

And fuck you you racist asshole.

An
An
7 years ago

Uhhhh… Is this foreal or are you guys trying to gag and scare people into not masturbating? Causeee… Condemnation only leads to Mose sin.. So…?

augustweisz
Admin
7 years ago
Reply to  An

I see no reason to gag people. Unless they were telling other people to masturbate.

Cathy Redmond
7 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

Many of the masturbators who comment on this Holy netsite make me gag on a daily basis.

fucktards
fucktards
7 years ago
Reply to  ShellyRichey

Suck my cock you God foreshaken whore of Babylon.

iMasturbateAndIsAGirl
iMasturbateAndIsAGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  ShellyRichey

They meant ‘more’ you fucking retard.

shellyrichey
7 years ago

No kidding? I’m sorry that you feel proper spelling isn’t important. It’s only a primary form of communication, so I suppose you’re right.

Masterbator
Masterbator
7 years ago

Is this website a joke?

No.
No.
7 years ago
Reply to  Masterbator

Hopefully or I feel like some people need to leave earth… And never return

fucktards
fucktards
7 years ago

This is clearly a satire website/joke made so they can troll everyone.

Truffle
7 years ago
Reply to  fucktards

The only trolls here are the masturbators!

iMasturbateAndIsAGirl
iMasturbateAndIsAGirl
7 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

I like to touch myself and cum on the bible

Cathy Redmond
7 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

You said it, Truffle!

Praise.

David Hairypalms
David Hairypalms
7 years ago

Won’t someone think of the children?

Steve Shand
Steve Shand
7 years ago

They look so young to be crazed masturbators? Thanks Obama!!!

Cassidy Pen
7 years ago

I think we can all be thankful to Jesus and Lonnie for delivering Shelly from the evil path she was on. I am very proud of her, having watched her arise from the depths of her tainted past to become a front line crusader in the war against self rape.

Logic
Logic
7 years ago

I call bullshit

Ummm why
Ummm why
7 years ago

Wait what am I reading?!?! Are you saying children are doing this? This is soooooo untrue.