Disciples / Morals / Self-Rape Prevention / Trending / Uncategorized / World

Grand Opening: Childs Youth Procreation Adventure Theme Park

A new procreation-themed learning park for Christian children will open Friday at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts compound resort in Arizona. Childs Youth Procreation Adventure is designed specifically for children as young as 3 to learn about the dangers of masturbation and Homogayness.

“The Christian procreation park completely embodies the idea of creating an environment focused on fun and eroticism to teach the youngest of kids the thrill and joy of same race procreation,” said Jacob Franklin, BLUFF Youth Minister.

The park offers features celebrating Brother Lonnie’s vast history of fighting masturbation and other forms of sexual perversion. Open every weekend of summer, the park welcomes all local Christians of normal ethnicity. The boys can look forward to exquisite superior gender attractions such as the Brazilian Twerk Off, Dancers For Money Room, The Bear Hunt, Brother Nikita’s Homogay Safari and much more. The girls will take a tour of the Menstruation Hut, attend a lecture on Procreation Positions, visit the Cat Milking Factory and assist in preparing brunch hosted by our proud sponsor – White Castle. All kids will have an opportunity to have their picture taken with SMN ministries famed mascot Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin.

“We were very excited when Brother Lonnie approached us to build a themed Procreation Park,” said Roddy Black, public relations and marketing manager for Adventure Story Time. “We looked at several other theme parks in and outside of the U.S. and really wanted to create a unique atmosphere that reflects Brother Lonnie’s passion for promoting healthy sexual behavior in children. With all of the horrible perversions our kids are exposed to under Obama’s reign of terror, we thought the theme was a natural fit. I can’t wait for my daughters on opening day to have the chance to learn how to please their assigned same race husband while getting to know more about the teachings of our savior and modern day prophet.”

For tickets and directions to the park, please contact our staff @  https://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie

Dancers For Money Room, Bear Hunt, and Procreation Positions are only a few attractions available to small white children visiting Childs Youth Procreation Adventure.

-Nikita Shalavin, homogay conversion therapist and high deacon at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.)

 

 

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augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

I for one cannot wait for all these kids to be taught about family values in a safe and loving environment.

Cathy Redmond
6 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

Praise.

TheRev Leroy Jenkins
6 years ago

Me and My 5 Same Race Assigned Sister-wives and my 23 normal race children are going there for the Holy Holidays.

No.
No.
6 years ago

Sister wives. I didn’t know we were in 1890s

Leonard Chimball, Jr.
Leonard Chimball, Jr.
6 years ago
Reply to  No.

People still have them, and it’s perfectly ok.

Joe
Joe
6 years ago

this website contains every reason why i dont believe in organized religion. You people are fucking disturbed

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Joe

Please come along to the opening, sinner, I’ll show you how to milk a cat. Praise!

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Joe

Come along to the opening, I’ll show you how to milk a cat.

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

I’m trying to accumulate prayer points by repeating myself. So far its working. Praise!

Stan Loona Stan Vivi
Stan Loona Stan Vivi
3 months ago
Reply to  Joe

I’m pretty sure we all know Christianity is the definition of a cult

Steve Shand
Steve Shand
6 years ago

The top photo had some rather dark children attending??? Are you sure my children will be safe???

Nikita Shalavin
6 years ago
Reply to  Steve Shand

Steve you will be glad to know that a special security team will be assigned to supervise the non-normal children. We felt like this would be a great opportunity for some of the parents to get involved in our Skin Bleaching for Jesus program.

Matt Perkins
Matt Perkins
6 years ago

Yes steve! Non-normal skinned children often come to these festivities to learn how to be normal again!

Winter Solstice
Winter Solstice
6 years ago

Dear “god”, are these people being serious ??!

No.
No.
6 years ago

Yes making like kids whores. Just what we need 😀 *sarcasm*

Leonard Chimball, Jr.
6 years ago
Reply to  No.

Masturbators? I know! I can’t believe they are serious either!

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago

Dear god please forgive these ignorant white people who have hate and lust in their heart and put them on the right path to showing and raising their children the right way and not the way this place is offering please also help them to see that they are teaching prejudice, sex, and hate is not the way to live and if possible please help those poor children who are subjected to seeing this and help them to understand they do not have to follow these “Christians” for you are all about love no matter ethnic, size, gender, and/or how… Read more »

shellyrichey
6 years ago

Dear Lonnie,

Help this self-raping idiot find a book on proper punctuation.

Pasty
Pasty
6 years ago

“Dear god please forgive these ignorant white people…”

If you weren’t such an uppity racist black man you’d see the wisdom of this youth park and all the good it does for children who need to be taught goodness. What difference does it make if many of us Lonvidians are white? You have to bring race into it. smh

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago
Reply to  Pasty

I am a white, christian woman, you racist pig! How can this at all be good mentally and physically for those children? Yall need god! May he have mercy on yalls souls and hope he saves those children and shuts that place down AGAIN! GOD MADE HUMANS THE WAY THEY ARE this sickens me soooooooo much

Pasty
Pasty
6 years ago

If you come to the compound and work through our 16-week lesbian conversion therapy de-programming program, you’ll be able to get past this rage you feel that makes you act like an angry uppity black man. Not only will you be able to start acting like a normal, you’ll also be eligible for a same race normal spouse assignment when you complete the program.

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago
Reply to  Pasty

When hell freezes over then I will join your sadistic colt

Stan Loona Stan Vivi
Stan Loona Stan Vivi
3 months ago
Reply to  Pasty

Dumbass really thinks you can be racist to whites

No.
No.
6 years ago

There is no compound resort in Arizona for Lonnie brothers or what ever. Google it. Bing it. Yahoo it. You only get their website/facebook

Leonard Chimball, Jr.
6 years ago
Reply to  No.

Yes there is. We try to fly under the govt radar as we have had issues with them in the past.

Cathy Redmond
6 years ago

Exactly, Brother Leonard. I’m not sure what “No.” expects to find when using Bing. Typically if I want to find, say, the 700 Club, I would Bing it and get their website and Facebook page. Clearly this “No.” person is just yet another disinformation agent paid for by Big Masturbation to try and disrupt discussion here on Lonnie’s netsite.

Praise.

shellyrichey
6 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Praise you, Sister Cathy! I also googled “no” and didn’t find anything about him or her either. So, using the logic presented above, “no” must not exist.

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago

There is a reason for that it isn’t for children! You people need god in your life stop and repent you ugly ways stop worshipping a false profit he isn’t god and isn’t jesus! This is putting your children in evils hands!

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago

There you go show those real true colors show the world what you all really are evil! I can’t believe you all claim to be christian using hate to teach children sshame on all of you and anyone who’s following these nut jobs hope yall get shut down again! This is wrong I really hope some how yall truly find god

Nikita Shalavin
6 years ago

Fuck the ATF.

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago

There you go show those real true colors show the world what you all really are evil! I can’t believe you all claim to be christian using hate to teach children sshame on all of you and anyone who’s following these nut jobs hope yall get shut down again! This is wrong I really hope some how yall truly find god

Cathy Redmond
6 years ago

I’m happy to see the Childs Youth movement growing more each day.

Praise.

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago

This place needs to be shut down before it even opens!

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

Won’t happen. The law is on our side. Lonnie plays cards with P.J. Hammond, Safford Chief of Police.

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

So the law is on your side huh then why was he saying they shut him down before idiots

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

Because, P.J. Hammond was not yet Safford Chief of Police when that happened. Lonnie didn’t play cards with the previous Chief of Police.

And if you think this is the first time I’ve been called an “idiot” online or in daily life you are sorely mistaken, Sir and/or madam.

Fred Phelps
Fred Phelps
6 years ago

You will burn in hell if you keep up this calamity of a racket you’re raising on here. We at the Westboro Baptisit Church fully support this program, the self rape has to stop! we have to give these children a helping hand and get those demons out of there by force! the children are the future!

Abigail
Abigail
6 years ago

I am not for this at all… its like a major contradiction with the values of religion and fucking… ummmm wtf (pls dont get on me for cussing like a trucker this is hardly the issue).. and they wonder why this world is so jacked up… ya ok lets make it worse by starting at the impressionable ages… good shit… pffft i am disgusted n I am a fan of gore of horror and this makes me want to puke.. oh wait i just did.. yepp… YOU APPROVE OF THIS YOU ARE WHATS WRONG IN THE WORLD AND YOU SHOULD… Read more »

Matt Perkins
Matt Perkins
6 years ago

I can’t wait to ride the rides with all the normal kids who don’t masturbate!!!!

Madison
Madison
6 years ago

What the fuck is wrong with you people
I have been sitting here laughing my head off at how absolutely ridiculous I actually think this website is and I am a very catholic person. Masturbation is good for you, as is sex, And anyone from any ethnicity or background, or any skin colour, deserve equal rights.

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago

Yall are sick! And need GOD!!!!! NOT Lonnie!!!! What in the world? If this wasn’t wrong why on earth would I be considered a snitch? God made people the color that they are you sick fools repent your ways and turn to God may he have mercy on your sinning souls!

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago

Who cares about the tanning salons that has nothing to do with the issue of trying to make people change their race and Micheal Jackson didn’t bleach you idiot he got third degree burns from a show which engorged his face

Nikita Shalavin
6 years ago

That’s what Big Masturbation wants you to think. Stop acting like such a whore, lady.

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

Poor M.J. agreed to be the test case for the faith scientists to try out their skin bleaching. Thanks to M.J.’s sacrifice the advancements they made in skin bleaching make it so pretty much someone of any skin color can now reach “Lonnie pale” levels in short order. Praise Faith science!!!

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

Also, the show caused Michael Jackson’s face engorge?

Engorge – verb. cause to swell with blood, water, or another fluid.

dave
dave
6 years ago

you shallow minded racist fucks! you need to get bak into the real world. every man is equal regardless of skin colour. an if a kid wants to bust nut they’ll do it, its human nature to explore new things your body included!

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  dave

Can I interest you in taking the SMN pledge, ma’am?

wheresyourheadat
wheresyourheadat
6 years ago

You guys are exploiting Gods name for rubbish, backward, impractical and irrational beliefs!
Don’t tell me there is a scientific basis for all this, cus I’m hell sure there’s more than just science to prove that all of you need psychiatric help.
I doubt even if you stopped masturbation, you guys are waaaaaay beyond being able to be fixed.
God help you and your productive beliefs.

shellyrichey
6 years ago

Finally – a supporter among the sinners. Thank you for referring to our beliefs as productive, and not judging us for following our savior, the one True Lonnie. Perhaps you would like a tour of the Campound?

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago
Reply to  shellyrichey

Blasphemy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this got to be a joke!
this got to be a joke!
6 years ago

GOD AND JESUS ARE THE TRUE SAVIORS AND YALLS DAY WILL COME MAY HE HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOULS

Nikita Shalavin
6 years ago

Lonnie is the true savior. Jesus may, or may not, have really been a son of God. But I’ll be damned if Lonnie isn’t at least a nephew.

Cathy Redmond
6 years ago

I’m excited to hear Justin Bieber’s performance at the opening ceremonies. One of the servant children we have tasked with tending to his needs while on the campound said he has something special planned for Friday.

Praise.

wheresyourheadat
wheresyourheadat
6 years ago

#sarcasmmothafukaaslewls

Truffle
6 years ago

Could you say that again in American, silly masturbator.

Godlovesme
Godlovesme
6 years ago

I am masturbating right now and it feels SO GOOD

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Godlovesme

Enjoy the wrist cancer and triple-hell!

Lily
Lily
6 years ago

Where is the bible does it say to do any of this? Someone please show me a verse. I’m a 17 year old girl who is baptist and this is one of the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. I have 8 siblings who are all younger and I would not like to see my 7 year old little sister see any of these women dressed like this. We need to start getting back to the basics of Christianity. The way of salvation is through Christ alone.

ShellyRichey
6 years ago
Reply to  Lily

You do see this is written by one our dominant gendered males, correct? Remember 1 Timothy 2:12 – I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.

I would advise you not to try and question the authority of a male – this is clearly against God and he will punish you righteously for it.

Miguel Contreras
Miguel Contreras
6 years ago
Reply to  ShellyRichey

I read the entire Bible and it never encourages things like this. Try again, ass wipe.

fuck
6 years ago

fuck god

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  fuck

Calm yourself down, silly masturager. Save that anger for when Satan is poking you in the brown sin cave for an eternity.

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

Truffle knows. That is exactly what will happen. Satan will surgically remove your sin sword and then use it to poke your sin cave for the rest of time. UNLESS you take the pledge and join Lonnie by accepting his golden shower of love and forgiveness and ceasing your discusting masturbatory ways.

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Bono Reznor

Amen, Brother Bono!

It’ll be crying out for Lonnie on it’s deathbed, they always do.

PleaseUseLogic
PleaseUseLogic
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

I look forward to it.

Sifter
Sifter
6 years ago

8 days since I masturbated. Felt good!

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago

I’ve been working really hard with the youth construction teams to make sure everything is ready for tomorrow. It’s looking really good and after 87 straight hours of labor we’re giving the children a 45 minute break for some nourishment. I think if all of the children work throughout the night everything will be set for the Grand Opening Ceremony. It’s really exciting to see a plan like this just come together so quickly; this theme park is clearly a labor of love.

MasterBaiter
MasterBaiter
6 years ago

I’ve been working hard (pun intended) on teaching people the benefits of jerkin your gherkin. Plus it feels AMAZING. Clean up is a bitch though

Miguel Contreras
Miguel Contreras
6 years ago

Fuck God and His Jewish zombie son. Religious idiots!

Goldberg
Goldberg
6 years ago

אני כל כך מזל שאתה אנשים רוצים לקחת את זין בתחת והפולחן מישראל את כל החרא שעשינו עד הזמן שאכילת פטריות במדבר ניפוץ תינוקות על קרייג ומתנהג כמו כולל יוונים רצח הם שרצים פסיכופטית זמן אתה עבדים

Bono Reznor
Bono Reznor
6 years ago
Reply to  Goldberg
Satan
6 years ago

SATAN APPROVES THIS CULT 🙂

King Lube
King Lube
6 years ago

Is it self raping if I consent? 😉

PleaseUseLogic
PleaseUseLogic
6 years ago
Reply to  King Lube

Nope! Any sexual experience that occurs consensually by all parties is not rape. Have fun masturbating!

L
L
6 years ago

Take me to church I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies, I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death and good God I will give you my life!

spiffy
6 years ago

What would Brian Boitano do?

Shanequa McTavish
Shanequa McTavish
6 years ago

You guys are fucking funny as shit!!!!!! I masturbated while perusing your website!!!! Keep up the good work.

Deacon Jared Laughner
Deacon Jared Laughner
6 years ago

“When hell freezes over then I will join your sadistic colt”

I’m assuming you’re referring to this, we have no affiliation to this satanic cult of sadistic ponies:

http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/504/242/600.png

Mark Hunt
Mark Hunt
6 years ago

What do y’all mean by “assigned”. I saw how the one person said that they can’t wait for their daughters to learn how to please their assigned same race husband. What does that mean, is this like arranged marriages or something? Also what kind of sick parent lets their small child go to a Prostitution Theme Park? That’s messed up. Which religion promotes this kind of pervertedness for children? I know of catholic priests who love perverted things for children but I didn’t think that the rest of that religion was like that. Also, what the heck is Homogayness? Please… Read more »

Mark Hunt
Mark Hunt
6 years ago
Reply to  Mark Hunt

By the way, I’m not religious at all, I just like learning about other peoples beliefs.

Cindy MAGA 4 Life
Cindy MAGA 4 Life
1 month ago

I think this is a wonderful idea and may God Bless you all for your courage in fighting masturbation, homosexuality, socialism, Satanism, Welfare, pornography, Obamacare and the Democrat Party child sex trafficking ring and Hillary Clinton’s New World Order of child sacrifice at the altar of the anti-christ! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! In Jesus name may liberals be cast into the pits of the Lake of Fire! God Bless President Trump and his administration for bringing moral values back to America and making sin, pornography, birth control, sex outside of the sanctity of heterosexual marriage, disrespect for authority illegal! And… Read more »