Articles by: Cathy Redmond
Just this past month of May in this, our year of America 2014, Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts had it’s first annual Technology Month. It was a grand affair that culminated in showcasing some cutting edge technology in the fight against masturbation even if there are some fantastic porn […]
The average masturbator sates their ungodly urges by self-raping while viewing pornographic images or watching sex films on the internet featuring people not copulating for procreation. As we have learned from the comments on this very netsite, the more desperate masturbator will get their kicks whacking and rubbing to just […]
SAINT LOUIS, MO — (SMNNN) Saint Louis Cardinals baseball star, Yadier Molina, will miss 8 to 12 weeks of action due to a severe injury to his hand. It has been determined that Molina has torn ligaments in his thumb and will likely need to have reconstructive surgery on his […]
NEW YORK, NEW YORK, NEW YORK — (SMNNN) Former pop artist and Lonvidian rising star, Justin Bieber, failed in an attempt to justify vandalism he allegedly committed against his neighbor back in January. Bieber’s legal team contended that the “egg throwing” was for “religious purposes” and not a random act […]
WEST SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN) As the interest in professional sports continues to wane in the United States, ESPN has attempted to be proactive in their approach to avoid otherwise inevitable bankruptcy. Instead of trying to create interesting and provocative programming on their multiple television networks; ESPN has chosen […]
VALENCIA, CALIF. — (SMNNN) First responders are still working to rescue riders of the “Ninja” roller coaster at Los Angeles area amusement park “Six Flags: Magic Mountain” late Monday evening. The incident happened around 5:30pm Pacific time and left four park goers injured. Witnesses on the scene said everything seemed […]
LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) Famous son of actor Alan Thicke (Family Ties, Tremors 2: Aftershocks), Robin Thicke has announced he has allegedly been masturbation free for four months in his latest attempt to win back his estranged assigned spouse, Paula Patton. Thicke’s spouse, Patton, originally had “had enough” of […]
Overview & Faith Facts™: Hypertrichosis, or “Masturbator’s Hairy Body” (MHB) as it is usually called, is known to have affected millions of individuals throughout recorded history. Early on, MHB afflicted individuals were thought to be “wolfmen” that were shapeshifters. Thankfully around the early 1960s, Lonnie Childs and his team of researchers […]
As a devout Lonvidian and student of the history of this Great Nation we all call America, I choose to spend my day reflecting on the many ways that Lonnie Childs has changed this country for the better. One such moment came to mind that I felt relevant to share […]
LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) The star of the critically acclaimed television program Man vs. Food, had his new upcoming series, Man Stops Masturbating, “postponed indefinitely” after comments he made on a world wide web netsite called “Instagram”. On the netsite, Richman posted a photo of himself with both hands […]
