Articles by: Cathy Redmond

Gosling Furious Over McAdams On Set Masturbation

Gosling Furious Over McAdams On Set Masturbation

LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) Brilliant actor and man’s man, Ryan Gosling, announced today that the filming of “The Notebook” wasn’t all sunshine and pink unicorns. In fact, Gosling admitted to VH1 rival, The Soundtrack Channel, that he wanted co-star Rachel McAdams “kicked off of set for her uncontrollable masturbation […]

by July 2, 2014 10 comments Celebrity
T-Mobile Adds ‘Morality Fee’; Sued By U.S. Federal Trade Commission

T-Mobile Adds ‘Morality Fee’; Sued By U.S. Federal Trade Commission

WASHINGTON, D.C., AMERICA — (SMNNN) The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) sued popular wireless carrier, T-Mobile USA Inc. today, accusing T-Mobile of billing their users for hundreds of millions of dollars in “false” charges on their bills. According to the FTC, the vast majority of the charges were in the form […]

by July 1, 2014 11 comments Money, Morals, Politics
Masturbation… #NotEvenOnce

Masturbation… #NotEvenOnce

Many famous celebrities have been caught with their hands where they shouldn’t be. The “Not Even Once” Faith Fact has been documented with a series of “Before” and “After” web photos that show the steady decline that happens after masturbating even just one time. Feel free to share these memers with your […]

by June 30, 2014 31 comments Celebrity
Kim Jong-Un Angry At Seth Rogen For Filming Masturbation Snuff Film

Kim Jong-Un Angry At Seth Rogen For Filming Masturbation Snuff Film

PYONGYANG, DPRK — (SMNNN) In a surprising move today, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un took time out from recording music with Snoop Dogg, to declare a recent film by Seth Rogen as an “act of war against all who oppose masturbation”. Rogen’s new film stars himself and fellow liberal masturbator […]

by June 25, 2014 20 comments Foreigners, Politics, World
Depraved Twitter User Hides Masturbation Supplies On College Campus

Depraved Twitter User Hides Masturbation Supplies On College Campus

SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN) A user on the popular world wide web netsite “Twitter” hid 18 hidden caches of masturbation supplies on the Sacramento State University college campus early Tuesday morning. Multiple Sacramento State students and unrepentant masturbators in the city of Sacramento flocked to the campus to search for the […]

by June 24, 2014 7 comments Money, Politics
Kraft Foods Recalls Velveeta Cheese; Unsafe Levels Of Semen Found

Kraft Foods Recalls Velveeta Cheese; Unsafe Levels Of Semen Found

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Popular foodlike product producer “Kraft ‘Foods’” issued a recall of it’s ‘Velveeta Cheese’ product after incredibly high levels of semen were detected. The semen level issue was found after several customer complaints of an incredibly bitter taste began to emerge via the manufacturer’s Facebook […]

by June 20, 2014 7 comments World
#FacebookDown; Facebook Paying The Karmic Price

#FacebookDown; Facebook Paying The Karmic Price

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Just days after the unjustified removal of the Stop Masturbation Now Facebook netpage, a mysterious karmic retribution occurred as millions of international users of the netsite were unable to login and harass Lonvidians. Users across the globe were met with an error message on […]

by June 19, 2014 3 comments Foreigners, World
Pete Rose Seeks Second Chance In Baseball After Coming Clean To Lonnie Childs

Pete Rose Seeks Second Chance In Baseball After Coming Clean To Lonnie Childs

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Professional wrestling Hall of Famer, Pete Rose, is seeking a “second chance” 25 years after being the first man banned from professional baseball for excessive masturbation. Rose recently admitted to his wrong doings for the first time ever after a confirmed visit to the […]

by June 18, 2014 1 comment Celebrity, Sports
Masturbation Almost Killed Us All

Masturbation Almost Killed Us All

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) The lamestream media has recently made much todo about an incident in January 1961 where two hydrogen bombs fell out of a B-52. As expected, the state controlled media is only giving you part of the story. The “official version” states that the B-52 […]

by June 17, 2014 13 comments World
American Patriot Oliver North Calls Dirty Liberal Stewart “Masturbator”

American Patriot Oliver North Calls Dirty Liberal Stewart “Masturbator”

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) American War Machine Patriot and National Hero Lt. Col. Oliver North took a shot at the host of a variety show, liberal Jon Stewart, while on his book tour. North, promoting his new book of faith facts, ‘Big Masturbation’s Lies’, let loose condemning Stewart as […]

by June 16, 2014 2 comments Politics
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