Articles by: Liam McKey
In older, more savage days, women often used masturbation as a way to keep their hands looking good. These women of yesteryear would insert their hands into their sin-zone as a way to moisturize their hands after washing dishes. After all, nobody wanted “Dish Pan Hands” in those days. […]
Safford, Arizona: Local philanthropist and leader of SMN Ministries, Lonnie Childs, has finished construction of The Tempura Center for Women. SMN spokesman, August Weitz, spoke on behalf of Lonnie Childs when addressing the press today. “All too often, Masturbation takes the form of Rage and Violence, known to all of […]
Earlier this month, our sister-news site “Vice News,” broke a story about rapper “Coolio” attempting to film a music video about Masturbation, for PornHub Records. The Normal people who lived in the neighborhood where the production was taking place called the police to report masturbation-type activities. Mr. Coolio and his […]
Unprotected masturbation is the leading cause of STDs, and here is why: Take the number of men and women that engage in unprotected masturbation and multiply that by the number of: door knobs, toilet flushing handles, crosswalk signal buttons, drinking fountains, handshakes, etc. What you end up with is […]
The viral fundraising phenomena known as the “Ice Bucket Challenge,” is raising money for A.L.S. research and also lowering the rates that masturbators self-rape by 30%, according to a newly released study by The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow. For those of you unfamiliar with the Ice Bucket Challenge, […]
Often times, a reluctant masturbator does not want to masturbate, but the addiction of masturbation is too strong. For those of you who do not want to masturbate, but cannot help it, Think of the Children! Masturbation is dirty, sleazy and immoral. That is why masturbators do it in secret […]
We all know that masturbation advocates claim that Masturbation is “natural” and they back-up that claim by saying that Animals do it. This statement is false, to a certain degree. Most animals do not masturbate, as it is a completely unnatural act. Unfortunately, some animals do masturbate. These same animals […]
Nerd fans of the beloved Spiderman movie franchise were treated to a surprise announcement at last week’s Comics-Con in San Diego. For the first time in Marvel history, the “KnobGobbler” will make a brief appearance and battle Peter Parker, better known as Spiderman. Marvel’s founder, Stanley Lee, said “The […]
Once again, fall is approaching. As a husband and as a father, you may hear rumblings about a “Sweet Sixteen” celebration. Below are a few ideas that are sure to make your sixteen-year-old, same-race wife very happy. 1. Tell her that she can decide what’s for dinner on […]
Joe Ferno, of Naples Florida, has filed suit in State Superior Court, claiming that his right to marry himself is being infringed upon by Florida’s antiquated laws that state marriage is between two people. The plaintiff, an admitted ten-times a day masturbator, says he is doing what all same-self […]
