Articles by: Liam McKey

Product Review: Palmolive Dish Soap

Product Review: Palmolive Dish Soap

  In older, more savage days, women often used masturbation as a way to keep their hands looking good. These women of yesteryear would insert their hands into their sin-zone as a way to moisturize their hands after washing dishes. After all, nobody wanted “Dish Pan Hands” in those days. […]

by September 15, 2014 2 comments Family Values
Mayor of Safford and two local masturbation victims proudly open The Tempura Center

Lonnie Childs Proudly Opens “The Tempura Center For Women.”

Safford, Arizona: Local philanthropist and leader of SMN Ministries, Lonnie Childs, has finished construction of The Tempura Center for Women. SMN spokesman, August Weitz, spoke on behalf of Lonnie Childs when addressing the press today. “All too often, Masturbation takes the form of Rage and Violence, known to all of […]

by September 15, 2014 2 comments Lonnie Childs, Morals
Photo Courtesy of Vice News

Habitual Masturbating Rapper “Coolio” had the Production of his Masturbation Themed Music Video Halted By Normal Raced Neighbors

Earlier this month, our sister-news site “Vice News,” broke a story about rapper “Coolio” attempting to film a music video about Masturbation, for PornHub Records.  The Normal people who lived in the neighborhood where the production was taking place called the police to report masturbation-type activities. Mr. Coolio and his […]

by September 15, 2014 2 comments Celebrity
a latex glove can help prevent the spread of STDs from every day objects that masturbators touch

Unprotected Masturbation: Know The Risks!!!

  Unprotected masturbation is the leading cause of STDs, and here is why: Take the number of men and women that engage in unprotected masturbation and multiply that by the number of: door knobs, toilet flushing handles, crosswalk signal buttons, drinking fountains, handshakes, etc. What you end up with is […]

by September 3, 2014 21 comments Science
The cure for masturbation?

Report: Ice Bucket Challenge has Dropped Masturbation Rates by 30%

  The viral fundraising phenomena known as the “Ice Bucket Challenge,” is raising money for A.L.S. research and also lowering the rates that masturbators self-rape by 30%, according to a newly released study by The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow. For those of you unfamiliar with the Ice Bucket Challenge, […]

by August 21, 2014 8 comments Science, Trending
Normal Kids, keeping their hands above their necks

For God’s Sake, Think of the Children!

Often times, a reluctant masturbator does not want to masturbate, but the addiction of masturbation is too strong. For those of you who do not want to masturbate, but cannot help it, Think of the Children! Masturbation is dirty, sleazy and immoral. That is why masturbators do it in secret […]

by August 19, 2014 12 comments Family Values, Morals
All Dogs Want to Be Rescued from Masturbation

How to “Rescue” your dog from Masturbation

We all know that masturbation advocates claim that Masturbation is “natural” and they back-up that claim by saying that Animals do it. This statement is false, to a certain degree. Most animals do not masturbate, as it is a completely unnatural act. Unfortunately, some animals do masturbate. These same animals […]

by August 10, 2014 20 comments Animals, Lifestyle, Morals
Photo Courtesy of Marvel Studios

Marvel Announces First Gay Supervillain for Upcoming Spiderman Movie

  Nerd fans of the beloved Spiderman movie franchise were treated to a surprise announcement at last week’s Comics-Con in San Diego. For the first time in Marvel history, the “KnobGobbler” will make a brief appearance and battle Peter Parker, better known as Spiderman. Marvel’s founder, Stanley Lee, said “The […]

by August 3, 2014 23 comments Celebrity, Morals, Trending
SMN Ministries Approved Sweet 16 Celebration Ideas

SMN Ministries Approved Sweet 16 Celebration Ideas

  Once again, fall is approaching. As a husband and as a father, you may hear rumblings about a “Sweet Sixteen” celebration. Below are a few ideas that are sure to make your sixteen-year-old, same-race wife very happy.   1. Tell her that she can decide what’s for dinner on […]

by July 31, 2014 5 comments Lifestyle
Chronic Masturbator Sues the State of Florida for the Right to Marry Himself.

Chronic Masturbator Sues the State of Florida for the Right to Marry Himself.

  Joe Ferno, of Naples Florida, has filed suit in State Superior Court, claiming that his right to marry himself is being infringed upon by Florida’s antiquated laws that state marriage is between two people. The plaintiff, an admitted ten-times a day masturbator, says he is doing what all same-self […]

by July 26, 2014 17 comments Morals, Politics
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