Celebrity

Lonnie Offers FREE Skin Bleaching Treatments To All Non-Normals!

Lonnie Offers FREE Skin Bleaching Treatments To All Non-Normals!

As Brother Lonnie is often heard saying, “The darker the skin, the deeper the sin.” It is common knowledge that foreigners are the most sinful folk. Most of my fellow brothers and sisters know best to cross over to the other side of the street when they notice a non-normal coming their way. […]

Holy Man Bieber Charged With Wasting Eggs; Vandalism

Holy Man Bieber Charged With Wasting Eggs; Vandalism

NEW YORK, NEW YORK, NEW YORK — (SMNNN)  Former pop artist and Lonvidian rising star, Justin Bieber, failed in an attempt to justify vandalism he allegedly committed against his neighbor back in January. Bieber’s legal team contended that the “egg throwing” was for “religious purposes” and not a random act […]

by July 10, 2014 7 comments Celebrity
Singer Robin Thicke: “I Haven’t Masturbated In FOUR MONTHS!”

Singer Robin Thicke: “I Haven’t Masturbated In FOUR MONTHS!”

LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) Famous son of actor Alan Thicke (Family Ties, Tremors 2: Aftershocks), Robin Thicke has announced he has allegedly been masturbation free for four months in his latest attempt to win back his estranged assigned spouse, Paula Patton. Thicke’s spouse, Patton, originally had “had enough” of […]

by July 7, 2014 13 comments Celebrity
Jesus To Attend “Lonnie Days Celebration” in September

Jesus To Attend “Lonnie Days Celebration” in September

SAFFORD-ARIZONA (SMNNN) Jesus H. Christ Almighty, son of God, and personal best friend forever of Lonald Childs, has just been confirmed as the guest of honor of the 17th annual “Lonnie Days” holy celebration. Says Metatron, Seraphim Voice of The Lords, in a brilliant immolation of the B.L.U.F.F campound main […]

by July 7, 2014 12 comments Celebrity, Morals
Adam Richman’s New Show Banned After Anti-Masturbation Rant

Adam Richman’s New Show Banned After Anti-Masturbation Rant

LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) The star of the critically acclaimed television program Man vs. Food, had his new upcoming series, Man Stops Masturbating, “postponed indefinitely” after comments he made on a world wide web netsite called “Instagram”. On the netsite, Richman posted a photo of himself with both hands […]

by July 3, 2014 15 comments Celebrity
Gosling Furious Over McAdams On Set Masturbation

Gosling Furious Over McAdams On Set Masturbation

LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) Brilliant actor and man’s man, Ryan Gosling, announced today that the filming of “The Notebook” wasn’t all sunshine and pink unicorns. In fact, Gosling admitted to VH1 rival, The Soundtrack Channel, that he wanted co-star Rachel McAdams “kicked off of set for her uncontrollable masturbation […]

by July 2, 2014 10 comments Celebrity
Actor Robin Williams pursues ongoing Anti-Masturbation 12-step treatment

Actor Robin Williams pursues ongoing Anti-Masturbation 12-step treatment

By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins STAFFORD, AZ (BLUFF PRESS) — Robin Williams is reconnecting with the 12-step program during a brief stay at a Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts facility. A spokeswoman for the 62-year-old actor-comedian says Williams planned the visit as a respite to recharge after more than 18 straight […]

by July 2, 2014 19 comments Celebrity
Masturbation… #NotEvenOnce

Masturbation… #NotEvenOnce

Many famous celebrities have been caught with their hands where they shouldn’t be. The “Not Even Once” Faith Fact has been documented with a series of “Before” and “After” web photos that show the steady decline that happens after masturbating even just one time. Feel free to share these memers with your […]

by June 30, 2014 31 comments Celebrity
Brother Nikita Shalavin on How Masturbation Leads to Rape

Brother Nikita Shalavin on How Masturbation Leads to Rape

“Masturbation slowly eliminates the person’s own boundaries and constraints.  Most healthy people want to masturbate and also have sex, but don’t/cannot.  By indulging in masturbation, you are conditioning the body to always get what it wants.  Think of a spoiled child, for example.  Once masturbation is no longer enough, sex […]

Tom Cruise to Star as Lonnie in Upcoming Film “Passion of Childs”

Tom Cruise to Star as Lonnie in Upcoming Film “Passion of Childs”

After many years of following the false faith of Scientology, the A-list actor has shocked Hollywood by proposing his candidacy for the lead role in the upcoming film “The Passion of Childs”. Directed by a brilliant mind of Myron Danus, the movie details the early years of modern day prophet and the spiritual genius behind […]

by June 19, 2014 8 comments Celebrity
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