Celebrity

World Least Funny Atheist, Also World’s Most Prolific Masturbator

World Least Funny Atheist, Also World’s Most Prolific Masturbator

  THE ISLAND OF UNITED KINGDOMS- (SMNN) The world’s least funny man, noted filthy atheist Ricky Gervais admitted today, that he is also the world’s most prolific masturbator. Gervais admits to masturbating in excess of 300 times daily. Ricky Gervais, horrible non-humourous atheist, has long been known to be pure […]

by July 30, 2014 2 comments Celebrity, History, Morals, Spot a Masturbator
Displaying perfect form, Brother Lonnie shoots another hole in one on a par 5.

Brother Lonnie Shatters Kim Jong-Il’s 18 Hole Golf Record

  In Brother Lonnie’s first and only round of golf, he has managed to shatter the 18 hole record of 34 set by North Korean dictator/professional athlete Kim Jong-Il back in 1994 which was also Kim’s one and only round of golf.   Kim Jong-Il’s 38 under par round included […]

Obama Masturbated To Linda Ronstadt As Youth

Obama Masturbated To Linda Ronstadt As Youth

President Obama showed his true colors as a masturbator at a White House awards ceremony earlier today. The awards ceremony, honoring no longer relevant musician, Linda Ronstadt, for some reason; found Obama just mere inches away from someone he had spent his childhood fantasizing over. At point, Obama reached over […]

by July 29, 2014 9 comments Celebrity, Politics
New Research Demonstrates Obama Masturbates More Than Any Other President

New Research Demonstrates Obama Masturbates More Than Any Other President

Safford, AZ-  In groundbreaking research released today, it was proven that President Barack Obama masturbates more than any other President. The independent research think tank Foundation For a Better Tomorrow detailed months of research that found that the 44th President masturbates at double the rate of the next high-masturbation President. […]

A Jam Band Masturbation-orgy recruitment flyer.

“Jam Band”: A Rising Problem

      WATERTOWN CT (SMNNN) “ …every song the Grateful Dead wrote was about masturbation, Satan or fornication! Some lyrics: ” Born in the jungle, raised in the lions,den. Numba one occupation, stealin’ wimmens from dey mans.”- One of their songs TRANSLATION: I am a sub-human beastophile. My job […]

NFL kicking sensation on short list of candidates for South Dakota's Council of Morality

Tina’s Law Passed in South Dakota

As part of STOP Masturation NOW’s ongoing mission to eradicate masturbation, Lonnie Childs has sponsored legislature in 18 of the 50 states to make masturbation illegal. Tina’s Law (named after black pop singing sensation Tina Turner) makes masturbation illegal and sets up a “Council of Morality” appointed by Brother Lonnie […]

3 Albums With A Secret Anti-Masturbation Agenda

3 Albums With A Secret Anti-Masturbation Agenda

I previously discussed popular songs that had a committed message of anti-masturbation; even more rare, however, is the anti-masturbation concept album. Many would think some of these are designed to be listened to whilst going out with a london escort, but that may not be the case. There have been […]

by July 22, 2014 27 comments Celebrity, Trending
Hulk Hogan, American, Tries To Break Masturbation Record; Fails

Hulk Hogan, American, Tries To Break Masturbation Record; Fails

TAMPA, FLA — (SMNNN) Former B movie actor (Muppets from Space, Wrestlemania III)  and current belt merchant, Hulk Hogan, received a severe injury to his hand after trying in vain to beat Hugo Lopez’s recent World Record for Masturbation. Hogan, 60, sometimes forgets he’s not the character, Hulk Hogan, that he played […]

by July 22, 2014 12 comments Celebrity, Spot a Masturbator
Disgusting Heckler found to be Filthy Pervert

SMN and Lonnie Childs Heckler Charged with Masturbating in Front of Two Girls

HARVEY, Ill. (WLS) A man was arrested and charged after Harvey residents caught him masturbating in front of two girls in the south suburb, police said. Witnesses said he repeatedly claimed that his perverted act and shameful display of his small genitals was related to his anger at finding out […]

by July 21, 2014 7 comments Celebrity, Spot a Masturbator
3 Songs You Never Knew Were Anti-Masturbation Anthems

3 Songs You Never Knew Were Anti-Masturbation Anthems

Every once in a while in the world of popular music, a rebellious artist is able to sneak something past the liberal controlled Government and Big Masturbation censors. Even in the case of two of the songs featured in this article, the artists were able to get the message through after being […]

by July 17, 2014 16 comments Celebrity
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