(StopMasturbationNow)—World-famous meme template and sometimes Olympic gymnast, McKayla Maroney, is not impressed. Not impressed at all. Pictures of McKayla were included among those leaked in 2014’s The Fappening. Like all good Christian soldiers, she initially denied that the photos were of her (1 Thessalonians 5:22, King Lonald Version). McKayla clarified her […]
STOP Masturbation NOW co-founder and high elder, Senator August Weisz, will be On the Air with Mike Allen on Armed Radio TONIGHT live at 8 PM Pacific. The good Senator will be addressing the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-fap movement about 20 mins into the broadcast. If you would like to […]
PACIFIC GROVE,CALIF. — This week, forensic investigators announced that 53-year old singer-songwriter John Denver lost control of his light aircraft while masturbating, causing the plane to crash into Monterey Bay, Calif. 17 years ago. The case, which had been closed several years ago following an inconclusive investigation of Denver’s airplane […]
Would be something a masturbator would search for. Parents check your kids internet history at all times. For more information in preventing masturbation: www.stopmasturbationnow.org Stop Masturbation Now is partially funded by federal tax dollars!
Seeking cheap internet fame, Hollywood harlot Jennifer Lawrence released several naked and nude photographs of herself and other celebrities in order to boost her fame and get online losers to masturbate themselves into a tizzy. She is still claiming that she has been hacked, though. She has said having her […]
A recent survey shows 85 percent of rapes and molestations are reenactments of a porn video/DVD. This means every time someone downloads an internet pornographic, there is an 85 percent chance that it will eventually result in a rape or molestation of a child. If you, or someone you know, […]
Discovery channel scLIEnce program, “Mythbusters”, took a controversial step by firing three cast members, including masturbator favorite Kari Byron. The official version of the story given by the network and the cast members was that the show will be “going in a new direction” next season. Fans of the scLIEnce […]
Big Masturbation announced, by way of one of their pornography shell companies, that they plan to film a ‘porn parody’ of Lonnie Childs and His popular Stop Masturbation Now movement. At press time it was not known who has been cast to play the role of Our Savior, Lonnie Childs. […]
Cable television channel FXX started a publicity stunt today where they are showing every episodes of “The Simpsons” in a marathon format. The marathon is to run without interruption until Labor Day and began at 10:30am this morning. The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow noticed a 25% drop in masturbatory acts […]
Celebrity bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman issued a threat on social networking that he is “coming” for known masturbators. Chapman’s first target is MMA fighter “War Machine” who recently got in an altercation with his professional masturbator ex-girlfriend and an additional unnamed individual. Chapman gave Mr. Machine time to turn […]
