Post Tagged with: "satan"

Should Sexy Education be Taught in Schools?

Should Sexy Education be Taught in Schools?

Loyal follower and staunch non-masturbator, Paul Stanley, asks: “Lonnie, should sex education be taught in public schools?” Thank you for the question, Paul. Obviously the answer is “no”. For the past few decades, publicly schooled American children have fallen far behind their dastardly Oriental counterparts in scholarly subjects such as […]

by October 11, 2015 4 comments Ask Lonnie
SMN Self-Rape Alert: ‘Black Mass’

SMN Self-Rape Alert: ‘Black Mass’

SMN Safford, AZ-A new waste of film depicting violence and masturbation mob activity has been released by Hollywood. “Black Mass,” starring Johnny Deep is the latest screed garnering a code red rating for excessive self-rape imagery and immoral content by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), […]

by September 29, 2015 3 comments Celebrity
Short pants bring out the Devil in masturbators.

Shorts: Satan’s Garment

A new study by the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow resulted in the discovery that there is a significant increase in self-rape rates in the warmer months of the year. Faith Scientist, Brother Richie Brinkman made the startling conclusion that one of the key factors to this spike in masturbation statistics is […]

by August 28, 2015 8 comments Gateway Drug
New Zealand, the World’s Self Rape Hell

New Zealand, the World’s Self Rape Hell

New Zealand is a volcanic mass in the middle of the sea lying east of the Island nation of Austria. It has been proven that the earthquake and natural disasters which formed New Zealand were the point from which devils burst through the earth in the demonic ascension, one of […]

by June 20, 2015 15 comments Foreigners
Interview With a Masturbator: James the Juggalo

Interview With a Masturbator: James the Juggalo

Detroit, MI – My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way, in this edition of IWAM, I sat down (without shaking hands) with James Pearson, a 19 year old Juggalo, who naturally lives in the basement of his parent’s home in an undisclosed suburb of Detroit. Although of normal […]

by January 29, 2015 9 comments Faces of Masturbation
Skittles-The Official Candy of Big Masturbation

Skittles-The Official Candy of Big Masturbation

Many of you know or have heard of Governor Mick Huckleberry of Arkansas. He has done a mountainous job of exposing the lies and under cover game plan of the far left with his actions when in office and on his current events program on the otherwise liberal fox news […]

by October 13, 2014 4 comments Big Masturbation
Tim Tebow throws another touchdown pass!

The New England Patriots Have Won ZERO Super Bowls Since Releasing Tim Tebow. Coincidence or God’s Will?

Every NFL fan knows that The New England Patriots have dominated the sport for the past decade, compiling a winning percentage that is by far the best in the league while winning three Super Bowls in the process.  Two seasons ago, the team were poised to continue their dominance for […]

by October 5, 2014 9 comments Celebrity
Crazed Californian Masturbator Kills Nearly 1000 Chickens

Crazed Californian Masturbator Kills Nearly 1000 Chickens

Further proving that golf is an evil sport that should be banned, a deranged masturbator took a golf club and murdered nearly 1000 chickens in a facility near Fresno, California. The facility, owned by chicken manufacturer, Foster Farms, claimed that 920 chickens were murdered “with a golf club or other […]

by October 3, 2014 9 comments Animals, Death, Morals, Trending
The Sperm Bank: Satan’s Clone Factory

The Sperm Bank: Satan’s Clone Factory

A story has been circulating the Worldwide Web about an extreme masturbator, Zheng Gang, died committing the sin of masturbation while on the premises of a sperm bank. It seemed like the proper time to expose the horror know as the “sperm bank”. Your average “sperm bank” is a Obama […]

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