It is Lonnie, who sittith with Jesus at the right hand of Almighty God, that holds the key of Heaven’s Gate. Admonish ye, all doers of evil, those that shalt spew and saturate the ground with their vile seed. For theirs is the error through earthly pleasure through wines and […]
By: Cassidy Pen, USMC (ret.) My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way, as you hopefully are putting the finishing touches on your preparations to celebrate the Birthday of Baby Jesus with your appointed spouses and loved ones, I’d like to share a true Christmas story from the past during […]
If a man desires to place his tallywhacker inside the anal rump of his lessor gendered normal same race appointed spouse (LGN SRAS), he is committing the homogay. It does NOT matter if the brown star entry is behind a flesh cave or behind a dangling tallywhacker; the anus chute […]
![(image source: By Thue (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Car_crash_1-174x131.jpg)
The world’s last great think tank, The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, recently finished an 18-month study on the root cause of automobile accidents. The results they found, while predictable, were still shocking to the average American who still has not accepted Lonnie Childs as their personal anti-masturbation savior. Car […]
WARNING: TL;DR The Father is homo with the Son. The Son is homo with the Bird. The Bird is the Word. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Behold, the Technical Virgin […]
Focus not on temptation flesh sins as the devil wills for you, For he cares only for the ruin of your soul. Saturated with the tears from Jesus and angels, Empty burning hell’s torment is your eternal toll. Focus instead on the graces gained from flaccidity, For your reward in […]
My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin. Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by […]
SAFFORD-ARIZONA (SMNNN) Jesus H. Christ Almighty, son of God, and personal best friend forever of Lonald Childs, has just been confirmed as the guest of honor of the 17th annual “Lonnie Days” holy celebration. Says Metatron, Seraphim Voice of The Lords, in a brilliant immolation of the B.L.U.F.F campound main […]
