This 6 month old aborted baleen whale fetus is seen with Marine Planned Parenthood.

Marine Planned Parenthood Performs First Successful Whale Abortion

(STOP MASTURBATION NOW NEWS) — Today, Friday September 19, 2014, most American’s are joyously celebrating Talk Like a Pirate Day. But for the Marine Wildlife Preserve in San Francisco California today was a day to celebrate a victory. The first successful Baleen Whale abortion. Faithless human Americans of questionable moral […]

by September 19, 2014 14 comments Animals, Morals
(source: By BuzzWoof (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

Masturbating Teen Dies After Jellyfish Attack

A Florida man is dead after being swarmed by box jellyfish in the waters off of Apollo Beach over the weekend. Tampa Bay authorities have identified the man, Martin Robertson, 18, of South Tampa and have confirmed he was alone at the time of the attack. Initially it was unknown […]

by September 16, 2014 49 comments Animals, Death
A New Species Of Human By 2050? Here’s The Faith Science…

A New Species Of Human By 2050? Here’s The Faith Science…

“We will see a new species of human, or sub-human rather, by 2050 if things progress at current rates.” That’s a pretty shocking claim from Faith Scientist Dr. Ian Norton, but Dr. Norton backs up this claim with decades of evidence he and other faith researchers have compiled to prove […]

by September 12, 2014 9 comments Animals, Death, Faith Graph, Science
Foreigners Create Dead Cat Kamikazie Drones

Foreigners Create Dead Cat Kamikazie Drones

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Foreigners suck, they really do. They only hate us and with to crash flying things into us. The Chinese did it at Pearl Harbor, the Arabs did it to us in 9/11, and now the Europeans are turning dead cats into killer suicide bombers. Most people would feel incredibly sad […]

by September 8, 2014 12 comments Animals, Foreigners
Blue whales are once more free to swim in the semen infested oceans of Earth.

Blue Whale Poulation Rebound As Sperm Whales Are Destroyed

The Oceans and Seas (SMNNN) Tea-drinking Englishes say in a recent report by the Queen (or whoever rules the islands of Englishes), that the global population of Blue Whales has rebounded over the last 20 years as Sperm Whale extermination continues. Whaling, long touted as barbarism, and a well-know source […]

by September 6, 2014 3 comments Animals, Foreigners, History, Science, World
The traumatized foul in question.

15 Year Old Caught Masturbating by Ducks, Instantly Punished by God

A 15 year old boy in Tucson, AZ had a rude but justified intrusion early in the morning of July 30th. As he sat at his $2,000 pornographic research device called “Macbook Pro” and stroked the unholy inverted cross, a swarm of ducks poured through his window and attacked him, […]

by September 5, 2014 16 comments Animals
All Dogs Want to Be Rescued from Masturbation

How to “Rescue” your dog from Masturbation

We all know that masturbation advocates claim that Masturbation is “natural” and they back-up that claim by saying that Animals do it. This statement is false, to a certain degree. Most animals do not masturbate, as it is a completely unnatural act. Unfortunately, some animals do masturbate. These same animals […]

by August 10, 2014 20 comments Animals, Lifestyle, Morals
God, Lonnie, and Stop Masturbation Now; Building a Bridge For a Better Future!

God, Lonnie, and Stop Masturbation Now; Building a Bridge For a Better Future!

by May 23, 2014 5 comments Animals
Godzilla: A Documentary Displaying the Dangers of Self Rape

Godzilla: A Documentary Displaying the Dangers of Self Rape

(StopMasturbationNOW)—After nuclear power was proven 100 percent safe, Godzilla producers needed to find another more realistic causation for a creature like Godzilla to exist. Masturbation was the only thing that fit from a scientific point of view. This weekend I had the opportunity to view this Documentary and I was […]

by May 18, 2014 3 comments Animals
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