What a country! As God-appointed Americans, we live in a Christian land, founded on Christian morals by non-masturbating Christian heroes. One of the great tenets of this fantastic nation in which we reside is the concept of a free democracy. A government of the people, by the people, for the […]
![(image source: By English: Lance Corporal Antonio J. Vega, United States Marine Corps [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/US_Marines_MOUT_practice-174x131.jpg)
According to sources within Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts, the United States has ‘accidentally’ leaked a map that B.L.U.F.F. was using for internal strategy purposes. The map in question featured the Southwest of the United States and labeled the areas that Brother Lonnie and His advisors had planned to […]
The future is here and now, people. We are currently living with the people who will control our World for the rest of our lives. If you live a normal lifestyle, you may make it to 80 or 90 now, but realisticly, you will be dead by 50-60 years old […]
WARNING: TL;DR The Father is homo with the Son. The Son is homo with the Bird. The Bird is the Word. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Behold, the Technical Virgin […]
When President Obama disembarked his helicopter in New York on Tuesday, he created a firestorm by doing what he has done thousands of times before: Salute the Marine standing on the tarmac. Only this time, he had a cup in his hands, and he somewhat awkwardly delivered the salute while […]
Barack Hussein Obama, our first Muslim President, has disgraced the office of POTUS time and again during the six long years we’ve had to endure him. Bowing to foreign dignitaries, playing golf, wearing the wrong color, being the wrong color — there’s just nothing this arrogant, godless man won’t do […]
President Obama showed his true colors as a masturbator at a White House awards ceremony earlier today. The awards ceremony, honoring no longer relevant musician, Linda Ronstadt, for some reason; found Obama just mere inches away from someone he had spent his childhood fantasizing over. At point, Obama reached over […]
