Yo Quiero, TX — Security agents from Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) have been sent to patrol the border and deal with a dangerous faction of illegal immigrants. The announcement comes at a time when US Border Patrol Agents report an increase in masturbation terrorists crossing into the […]
By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins SAFFORD, AZ. (BLUFF Press, LLC.) The pastor and two members of a Safford, AZ church pleaded not guilty Monday to state charges of beating and threatening the life of a 13-year-old boy caught masturbating into the holy water, who was forced to dig his own grave, […]
NEW YORK, NEW YORK, NEW YORK — (SMNNN) Former pop artist and Lonvidian rising star, Justin Bieber, failed in an attempt to justify vandalism he allegedly committed against his neighbor back in January. Bieber’s legal team contended that the “egg throwing” was for “religious purposes” and not a random act […]
Dear TheRev Leroy Jenkins, I learned long ago in my formative years while matriculating at St. Pia Zadora Catholic Prep School that every sperm is sacred, thus masturbation is a mortal sin. However, it begs the question; Is menstruation also a sin since the ovum is wasted? Sincerely, Arthur […]
We all learned in history class, that back in 1892, Harriet Tubman boarded a bus and refused to move from the front seat for a White man. This caused the “Civil Rights” protests and eventually, “Affirmative Action”. What they don’t teach in Public Schools though, is the reason why this […]
LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) The star of the critically acclaimed television program Man vs. Food, had his new upcoming series, Man Stops Masturbating, “postponed indefinitely” after comments he made on a world wide web netsite called “Instagram”. On the netsite, Richman posted a photo of himself with both hands […]
By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins STAFFORD, AZ (BLUFF PRESS) — Robin Williams is reconnecting with the 12-step program during a brief stay at a Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts facility. A spokeswoman for the 62-year-old actor-comedian says Williams planned the visit as a respite to recharge after more than 18 straight […]
WASHINGTON, D.C., AMERICA — (SMNNN) The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) sued popular wireless carrier, T-Mobile USA Inc. today, accusing T-Mobile of billing their users for hundreds of millions of dollars in “false” charges on their bills. According to the FTC, the vast majority of the charges were in the form […]
The launch of Stop Masturbation Now’s Anti-Masturbation Cross™ has met with unqualified success over the past twenty-four hours, crashing our holy netsite with pre-orders and projecting our bold design to seemingly every corner of the internet. Alas, no good turn goes unpunished – as it seems that the forces […]
Big Masturbation has reportedly invented a device the runs on self-rape. The hussy pictured above is an agent of Big Masturbation. Her face is blacked out to protect the precious youth of B.L.U.F.F. She was spotted just outside the main gates of B.L.U.F.F. near the moat. She is a sinner, […]
