Post Tagged with: "Foundation for a Better Tomorrow"

Research Shows These Seven Hobbies Will Prevent Self-Rape

Research Shows These Seven Hobbies Will Prevent Self-Rape

For a long time, it was believed that God gave people a given level of abstinence and there was nothing anyone could to to prevent the sinful lust impulses that lead to masturbation. Scientists at Brother Lonnie University or Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) through a grant awarded by the Foundation for […]

by August 31, 2015 17 comments B.L.U.F.F.
Study: Masturbation Residues found on 99.7% of Discarded iPhones

Study: Masturbation Residues found on 99.7% of Discarded iPhones

B.L.U.F.F. SAFFORD AZ – Mobile phones and devices have become an increasing fixture in American life during the last decade or two. It seems that a person can go nowhere without finding citizens fiddling away with their noses in a cellular phone or tablet electronic device. Pastors and Ministers have […]

by June 26, 2015 3 comments B.L.U.F.F.
New Zealand, the World’s Self Rape Hell

New Zealand, the World’s Self Rape Hell

New Zealand is a volcanic mass in the middle of the sea lying east of the Island nation of Austria. It has been proven that the earthquake and natural disasters which formed New Zealand were the point from which devils burst through the earth in the demonic ascension, one of […]

by June 20, 2015 15 comments Foreigners
Study: Self-Employed Are More Likely to Self-Rape

Study: Self-Employed Are More Likely to Self-Rape

A recent study conducted by The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow has uncovered a new faith fact proving a link between self-employment and self-rape. The Foundation’s study concluded that the rate of self-rape among individuals who consider themselves “self-employed” was significantly higher than among individuals who work for someone else. […]

by May 27, 2015 8 comments Family Values
Masturbation: Offensive Across All Seven Deadly Sins

Masturbation: Offensive Across All Seven Deadly Sins

Safford, AZ – For years, the Stop Masturbation Now! Ministries has warned of and demonstrated the evils of Masturbation. The absolute harm done when one inflicts self rape activity on his or her soul when finger dancing the skin flute or spelunking the sin cave is incontrovertible, but still, agents […]

You Are Cordially Invited…

You Are Cordially Invited…

You are cordially invited, that’s right, the entire Internet is invited, to celebrate the Holy Matrimony of my Brother Myron Danus to his Lonnie-approved, Same Race Assigned Spouse, Paula Austin, on Friday December 12th at 6pm. The wedding ceremony itself will be a private function for family and friends at […]

by November 22, 2014 23 comments Family Values
(image source: By Thue (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

100% Of All Car Accidents Are Caused By Masturbators

The world’s last great think tank, The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, recently finished an 18 month study on the root cause of automobile accidents. The results they found, while predictable, were still shocking to the average American who still has not accepted Lonnie Childs as their personal anti-self-rape savior. […]

by November 13, 2014 18 comments Death, Faith Graph, Lonnie Childs, Morals
(source: By original author unknown; University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.Zscout370 at en.wikipedia [Public domain or Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons)

University of North Carolina Investigation Reveals Almost Entire Current Enrollment Confirmed Masturbators

CHAPEL HILL, N.C. A report, called the Wainstein report after U.S. Justice Department official Kenneth Wainstein who conducted the investigation, has found that over the course of two decades nearly 3100 University of North Carolina students were involved in academic dishonesty. More disturbing is the finding that over one half […]

by October 23, 2014 4 comments Family Values, Morals, Sports, Trending
Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

The Foundation For a Better Tomorrow in association with B.L.U.F.F. has confirmed that a new super strain of Ebola is passed to hosts through masturbation. The virus clings to the outer skin palettes and is launched airborne at the moment of masturbatory climactic release, becoming airborne and susceptible to transmission […]

by October 12, 2014 8 comments Science
It’s never too early to save their soul

It’s never too early to save their soul

The FaithFact Engineers have finally solved the age old dilemma of how to teach your infant not to masturbate. With this effective, yet stylishly functional centerpiece, you can proudly display your self-rape free Christian values and keep an eye on your little ones while keeping Satan from tempting them to […]

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