Brother Lonnie’s Skin Bleaching Program Proving a Huge Success

July 31, 2014 4

Rejoice brothers and sisters! A moment of righteous vindication is upon us. After weeks of false accusations and liberal media criticism, Brother Lonnie’s Bleach Away The Sin therapy for children of dangerous minorities is exceeding all expectations!

Hours after an incentive program was introduced guaranteeing certain benefits for the parents of enrolled children, the phones were ringing non-stop! All available time slots for the next 7 weeks are now booked up!

The benefits varied depending on the applicants ethnicity. Mexican families were offered colorful second-hand clothing, lucrative […]

Conservative Leaders Propose Hate Speech Bill To Protect SMN

July 31, 2014 13

Just one look at this netsite’s “Masturhaters” gallery or even just a quick glance at the comments on any given article show that there is an increasing problem with masturbators using the anonymity of the internet to spew hatred towards the followers of Lonnie Childs.

Thankfully, this will soon end as several conservative lawmakers have drafted a bill now weaving its way through the U.S. political system that would make such “hate speech” directed towards religious groups a violation of the […]

SMN Ministries Approved Sweet 16 Celebration Ideas

July 31, 2014 5

 

Once again, fall is approaching. As a husband and as a father, you may hear rumblings about a “Sweet Sixteen” celebration. Below are a few ideas that are sure to make your sixteen-year-old, same-race wife very happy.

 

1. Tell her that she can decide what’s for dinner on her big day. Make sure she knows that this is HER DAY and she can cook you WHATEVER SHE WANTS (within reason of course).

2. Allow her to find a babysitter for her two […]

Dear Lonnie – “How Do I Know If My Toddler is Gay?”

July 31, 2014 20

Every once in a while, a wholesome reader will send a message to us here at SMN.ORG to ask a personal question, or to ask for honest advice in a particularly troubling situation. In this case, a housewife from Virginia writes –

“Dear Lonnie,

I am a little embarrassed to ask this, to be honest. I am the mother of four children – one of them that has been

Very HomoGay.

showing signs of a feminine nature that frankly concerns me. Not to go […]

Childs Youth to Protest C.L.I.T.T

July 31, 2014 2

TUCSON ARIZONA (SMNNN)

Big Masturbation’s latest venture, the Community-Linked Integrated Transit System of Tucson (C.L.I.T.T), is set to be protested by Child’s Youth, the under-aged group of religious activists who are so named for Lonald “Lonnie” Childs.

The C.L.I.T.T, which is being misrepresented as a transportation system, is actually a thinly-veiled attempt to draw more sinners into the control of Big Masturbation. Child’s Youth have been canvasing Tucson and attempting to get the C.L.I.T.T removed, for Tucson’s own good.

Results have been inconclusive, […]

Obama Brings Ebola into US: Tries to Make America like his Homeland

July 31, 2014 10

(StopMasturbationNOW)— No cure, 80% mortality rate, very contagious, a painful death. We are talking about Ebola, possibly the most dangerous disease known to man. Obama is having two infected Doctors brought to the US. Why would someone bring a highly infectious disease to the United States on purpose? There is only one reason, to make the US more like Africa, Obamas birth land. One reason Ebola is so hard to stop is that Africans have customs of handling bodies and […]

FaithScientists Discover Masturbation KILLS – FaithFact #532

July 31, 2014 15

Stop Masturbation Now Ministries led by our spiritual leader Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has been at the forefront of masturbation FaithScience and has made numerous advancements and FaithDiscoveries regarding our knowledge of self-rape. For instance it was our own FaithScientists along with Brother Lonnie’s fervent prayers that discovered that masturbation can give you The Cancer, the good and bad The AIDS and turn otherwise healthy individuals into emosexuals. But thanks to Brother Lonnie’s tireless efforts in conjunction with the taxpayer […]

Scooters Deemed Most Holy and Non-Masturbatory Form of Motorcycle.

July 31, 2014 5

SAFFORD- ARIZONA (SMNNN)

In a revelation, His Resplendence  Saint Lonnie Childs has decreed motor scooters to be the most  Holy of all motorcycles.

Praise the chosen motorcycles of our Lords!

Brother Lonnie stated that he was visited by a beautiful seraphim, which along with granting Brother Lonnie The Secret of  The Universe, also decreed scooters to be superior to all other forms of motorcycle.

” And then the angel of the Lords flew me back from the Endless Tom Collins Fountains of the Celestial […]

The Faces of Masturbation

July 31, 2014 4

Before Masturbation

After Masturbation

Before Masturbation

After Masturbation

Before Masturbation

After Masturbation

Before Masturbation

After Masturbation

Before Masturbation

After Masturbation

Before Masturbation

After Masturbation

Before Masturbation

After Masturbation

Before Masturbation

After Masturbation

Friends don’t let Friends Masturbate.

 

Do you or someone you love masturbate? 

Help is Here

God Bless,

TheRev Leroy

The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

July 30, 2014 23

My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin.

Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by an eternity in hell. Secondly, the secular world, under the leadership of Satan, has stomped the peddle to the floor on sexual temptations designed to stain little Johnny’s drawers and dampen […]

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