Today marks the 2014th birthday of America, God’s favorite country. Praise! We here at STOP Masturbation NOW live the moral, masturbation free lives that the Founding Fathers intended! Creating a sovereign nation free from the yoke of oppression was not without it’s complications and tribulations. We must never forget that […]
Have a safe and masturbation free Fourth.
LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) The star of the critically acclaimed television program Man vs. Food, had his new upcoming series, Man Stops Masturbating, “postponed indefinitely” after comments he made on a world wide web netsite called “Instagram”. On the netsite, Richman posted a photo of himself with both hands […]
By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins Many a screeching lesser sex feminist accuse our Church of abusing women by sending her to the Menstrual Hut during her unclean menstruation. As a Superior Sex Normal Race Holy Man, I know only what the lord teaches us about dealing with the lesser sex, it is my […]
DARKEST AFRICA- SMNNN Ebola, feared disease who’s horrible symptoms include organ explosion and puss legions, and eventually, painful excruciating death, is now spreading rapidly across the countries of Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone, affecting hundreds of millions of non-normals and leaving a trail of death and suffering, all of which […]
LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) Brilliant actor and man’s man, Ryan Gosling, announced today that the filming of “The Notebook” wasn’t all sunshine and pink unicorns. In fact, Gosling admitted to VH1 rival, The Soundtrack Channel, that he wanted co-star Rachel McAdams “kicked off of set for her uncontrollable masturbation […]
ROME- ITALY (European Mexico) SMNNN New archeological evidence suggests masturbation to be the cause of the collapse of the Roman/Byzantine Sodomite empire, says Dr Garbanzo, head doctor of Faithscience In Regards To Ancient Sodomites, who has been excavating various volcanic sites around the island of Stromboli in the Mediterranean. Dr […]
By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins STAFFORD, AZ (BLUFF PRESS) — Robin Williams is reconnecting with the 12-step program during a brief stay at a Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts facility. A spokeswoman for the 62-year-old actor-comedian says Williams planned the visit as a respite to recharge after more than 18 straight […]
Letters From our Readers to TheRev By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins Dear Reverend Jenkins, In this day of modern distractions such as FaceSpace, Twiddle, Samsung iPhones, and Rap Music, how am I to raise my sweet daughter to become a Normal Non-Masturbating young lady? Sincerely, A Concerned White Dad Dear […]
WASHINGTON, D.C., AMERICA — (SMNNN) The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) sued popular wireless carrier, T-Mobile USA Inc. today, accusing T-Mobile of billing their users for hundreds of millions of dollars in “false” charges on their bills. According to the FTC, the vast majority of the charges were in the form […]
