By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins SAFFORD, AZ. (BLUFF Press, LLC.) The pastor and two members of a Safford, AZ church pleaded not guilty Monday to state charges of beating and threatening the life of a 13-year-old boy caught masturbating into the holy water, who was forced to dig his own grave, […]
NEW YORK, NEW YORK, NEW YORK — (SMNNN) Former pop artist and Lonvidian rising star, Justin Bieber, failed in an attempt to justify vandalism he allegedly committed against his neighbor back in January. Bieber’s legal team contended that the “egg throwing” was for “religious purposes” and not a random act […]
A new procreation-themed learning park for Christian children will open Friday at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts compound resort in Arizona. Childs Youth Procreation Adventure is designed specifically for children as young as 3 to learn about the dangers of masturbation and Homogayness. “The Christian procreation park completely embodies the idea of creating an environment focused […]
By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins El Cajon, CA — DHS Press Release: A deadly new strain of masturbation is killing pot-weed injection addicts across the nation, they are calling it Masturbation Addiction Dementia Death, MADD, and has issued a Threat Level Red warning to parents everywhere to be alert to the […]
WEST SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN) As the interest in professional sports continues to wane in the United States, ESPN has attempted to be proactive in their approach to avoid otherwise inevitable bankruptcy. Instead of trying to create interesting and provocative programming on their multiple television networks; ESPN has chosen […]
Dear TheRev Leroy Jenkins, I learned long ago in my formative years while matriculating at St. Pia Zadora Catholic Prep School that every sperm is sacred, thus masturbation is a mortal sin. However, it begs the question; Is menstruation also a sin since the ovum is wasted? Sincerely, Arthur […]
(Stop Masturbation Now)— Germany today routed the Mexican state of Brazil 7-1 in soccer. Germans, using a combination of preserving precious bodily fluids and using only Caucasians proved too much for the very dark skinned Brazilians. At one point in the match Germans scored 4 goals on 10 minutes. A […]
Orange County, CA – A family is left grieving and planning arrangements today as the new “Wheelin and Feelin” craze sweeping the nation claims another young life. At approximately 11:15 AM, in sunny Laguna Beach, CA, one child has been pronounced dead and another is injured in what is being […]
Everyone knows that San Francisco is the center of world hedonism as sex in the streets and homogay parades result in traffic jams where rubbernecked citizens are seemingly shocked daily at the carnival of sin that goes on around them. Like Lott in Sodom, the righteous are left to fend […]
We all learned in history class, that back in 1892, Harriet Tubman boarded a bus and refused to move from the front seat for a White man. This caused the “Civil Rights” protests and eventually, “Affirmative Action”. What they don’t teach in Public Schools though, is the reason why this […]
