Stop Masturbation Now to Save Your Soul
The newest four color flyer will appear in B.L.U.F.F. approved publications and be given to the masses during a SMN Ministry near you. Praise!
Archive for July, 2014
BREAKING NEWS: ‘Roller Jerking’ Incident Causes Coaster Derailment
VALENCIA, CALIF. — (SMNNN) First responders are still working to rescue riders of the “Ninja” roller coaster at Los Angeles area amusement park “Six Flags: Magic Mountain” late Monday evening. The incident happened around 5:30pm Pacific time and left four park goers injured. Witnesses on the scene said everything seemed […]
Singer Robin Thicke: “I Haven’t Masturbated In FOUR MONTHS!”
LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. — (SMNNN) Famous son of actor Alan Thicke (Family Ties, Tremors 2: Aftershocks), Robin Thicke has announced he has allegedly been masturbation free for four months in his latest attempt to win back his estranged assigned spouse, Paula Patton. Thicke’s spouse, Patton, originally had “had enough” of […]
Christian Anti-Masturbation Group’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation
Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of […]
Jesus To Attend “Lonnie Days Celebration” in September
SAFFORD-ARIZONA (SMNNN) Jesus H. Christ Almighty, son of God, and personal best friend forever of Lonald Childs, has just been confirmed as the guest of honor of the 17th annual “Lonnie Days” holy celebration. Says Metatron, Seraphim Voice of The Lords, in a brilliant immolation of the B.L.U.F.F campound main […]
Profile of a Masturbation Disease: Hypertrichosis (MHB)
Overview & Faith Facts™: Hypertrichosis, or “Masturbator’s Hairy Body” (MHB) as it is usually called, is known to have affected millions of individuals throughout recorded history. Early on, MHB afflicted individuals were thought to be “wolfmen” that were shapeshifters. Thankfully around the early 1960s, Lonnie Childs and his team of researchers […]
HomoGay couple give birth to Same Race Normal Non-Ginger Baby
in 2010, HomoGay partners, through the Lonnie Childs golden shower of salvation, gave up their masturbating sinful ways, got married in the Lonvidian Chruch, and their procreations resulted in the worlds first HomoGay birth. BJ Barone and Frankie Nelson recently became dads to a beautiful baby named Milo, and Canadian photographer […]
Masturbation Rates by Species
The FaithFacts™ don’t lie. God Bless, TheRev TheRev Leory Jenkins is a Sr. Staff Writer for BLUFF Press, LLC. 785-274-0325 or TheRev@bluff.us.edu
Lonnie’s Address To America – July 4th, 1963
As a devout Lonvidian and student of the history of this Great Nation we all call America, I choose to spend my day reflecting on the many ways that Lonnie Childs has changed this country for the better. One such moment came to mind that I felt relevant to share […]
Declare your Independence from The Sin of Masturbation
By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins Miami, FL. In 2004 most people had given up on Fanny Diddle, homeless, destitute, addicted to pot-weed injections, doing bong hits of ellis dee, listening to Nickelback, and self raping for Snow Mexican Tourist on South Beach. She was a lost cause and written off by […]
