Morals

Jesus To Attend “Lonnie Days Celebration” in September

Jesus To Attend “Lonnie Days Celebration” in September

SAFFORD-ARIZONA (SMNNN) Jesus H. Christ Almighty, son of God, and personal best friend forever of Lonald Childs, has just been confirmed as the guest of honor of the 17th annual “Lonnie Days” holy celebration. Says Metatron, Seraphim Voice of The Lords, in a brilliant immolation of the B.L.U.F.F campound main […]

by July 7, 2014 12 comments Celebrity, Morals
Profile of a Masturbation Disease: Hypertrichosis (MHB)

Profile of a Masturbation Disease: Hypertrichosis (MHB)

Overview & Faith Facts™: Hypertrichosis, or “Masturbator’s Hairy Body” (MHB) as it is usually called, is known to have affected millions of individuals throughout recorded history. Early on, MHB afflicted individuals were thought to be “wolfmen” that were shapeshifters. Thankfully around the early 1960s, Lonnie Childs and his team of researchers […]

by July 6, 2014 23 comments Morals
Happy Birthday, America!

Happy Birthday, America!

Today marks the 2014th birthday of America, God’s favorite country.  Praise!  We here at STOP Masturbation NOW live the moral, masturbation free lives that the Founding Fathers intended!  Creating a sovereign nation free from the yoke of oppression was not without it’s complications and tribulations.  We must never forget that […]

by July 4, 2014 10 comments History, Morals, Politics, World
A Fourth of July Faithfact!

A Fourth of July Faithfact!

Have a safe and masturbation free Fourth.

by July 3, 2014 47 comments Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
Ancient Rome Destoyed by Masturbators, Says New Faithscientific Evidence

Ancient Rome Destoyed by Masturbators, Says New Faithscientific Evidence

ROME- ITALY (European Mexico) SMNNN New archeological evidence suggests masturbation to be the cause of the collapse of the Roman/Byzantine Sodomite empire, says Dr Garbanzo, head doctor of Faithscience In Regards To Ancient Sodomites, who has been excavating various volcanic sites around the island of Stromboli in the Mediterranean. Dr […]

by July 2, 2014 17 comments Foreigners, Morals, Weather, World
Normal Race Non-Masturbating Girl

Parenting tips: How to raise her to be a Normal Non-Masturbator

Letters From our Readers to TheRev By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins Dear Reverend Jenkins,  In this day of modern distractions such as FaceSpace, Twiddle, Samsung iPhones,  and Rap Music, how am I to raise my sweet daughter to become a Normal Non-Masturbating young lady?  Sincerely, A Concerned White Dad    Dear […]

T-Mobile Adds ‘Morality Fee’; Sued By U.S. Federal Trade Commission

T-Mobile Adds ‘Morality Fee’; Sued By U.S. Federal Trade Commission

WASHINGTON, D.C., AMERICA — (SMNNN) The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) sued popular wireless carrier, T-Mobile USA Inc. today, accusing T-Mobile of billing their users for hundreds of millions of dollars in “false” charges on their bills. According to the FTC, the vast majority of the charges were in the form […]

by July 1, 2014 11 comments Money, Morals, Politics
They want to turn our kids into perverts!

[UNCOVERED]: The Big Masturbation Plot to Self-Rape Our Children

  The launch of Stop Masturbation Now’s Anti-Masturbation Cross™ has met with unqualified success over the past twenty-four hours, crashing our holy netsite with pre-orders and projecting our bold design to seemingly every corner of the internet.  Alas, no good turn goes unpunished – as it seems that the forces […]

by July 1, 2014 114 comments Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
Mark Zuckerberg, Satatnic Masturbationist

FaithFacts Researcher: Facebook Big Masturbation Funded Study Breached Ethical Guidelines

By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins Over the weekend, the sewage pipes exploded due to the massive influx of semen that overloaded sanitary systems worldwide, due to the fact that Facebook had conducted psychological pro masturbation experiments on user news feeds. While Zuckerberg’s team doesn’t see a problem with that it did, FaithFact researchers seem think […]

by June 30, 2014 5 comments Morals
Brother Nikita Shalavin on How Masturbation Leads to Rape

Brother Nikita Shalavin on How Masturbation Leads to Rape

“Masturbation slowly eliminates the person’s own boundaries and constraints.  Most healthy people want to masturbate and also have sex, but don’t/cannot.  By indulging in masturbation, you are conditioning the body to always get what it wants.  Think of a spoiled child, for example.  Once masturbation is no longer enough, sex […]

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