Morals

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

  SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with […]

The Environmental Impact of Masturbation

The Environmental Impact of Masturbation

  It’s common knowledge that masturbation turns ordinary people into criminals and perfectly healthy people into Stephen Hawking. But what about our planet? Is the Earth feeling the sting of masturbation?   Your average masturbator burns between 50 to 150 calories with every masturbation session, depending on factors such as: […]

by July 18, 2014 132 comments Morals, Science, Weather, World
The Top 5 Things You Need To Tell Your Child About Masturbation

The Top 5 Things You Need To Tell Your Child About Masturbation

-Safford, AZ Masturbation is a terrible disease and a depraved, sinful act. The below are critical “tips” for parents of any age. As we know, children may begin to explore their sin zones and masturbating at any age- watch them. Watch them closely. You never know when Satan enters your […]

B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow spare no expense in this cutting edge, ultra-expensive graphic pie-chart.

Another Graph Proves SMN Ministries Right Again

SAFFORD, ARIZONA (SMNNN) Yet another graph developed by the joint team of Faithgraphics technicians at B.L.U.F.F. GRAPHCENTER and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow has been released. This time, the handy pie-chart style graph,  (so named because of the graph’s resemblance the pastry known as “pie”), clearly outlines the casualties […]

by July 17, 2014 13 comments Morals, Science, Self-Rape Prevention, Trending
A young girl gets her first taste of Fappy outside of a grocery store in Safford, AZ

“A Team Effort to Stop Self-Rape!”

For Immediate Release – (Safford, AZ) – In 2015, efforts to educate parents and young girls on the dangers of self-rape will take a giant leap forward. Teaming up with the Girl Scouts of the USA, Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin will become the “unofficial mascot” for Girl Scout Cookies. Sponsored […]

by July 16, 2014 9 comments Disciples, Fappy, Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
The Catholic Church Masturbation Conspiracy….

The Catholic Church Masturbation Conspiracy….

  It is a well-known fact that the Catholic Church does not allow for its servants to engage in same-race procreation. Both male and female servants of the church must remain celibate. This gives rise to none other than…. Masturbation!!! You may think this is harmless, but think again! What […]

by July 15, 2014 21 comments Morals
Masturbation Linked to Higher Crime Rates

Masturbation Linked to Higher Crime Rates

Safford, AZ   Breaking news from the groundbreaking think tank Foundation For a Better Tomorrow. Masturbation has been seen to have a direct causation into incarceration rates and criminal activity. The study was done over a multi-year period, supervised by the best Faith Scientists on the BLUFF campus.   It […]

by July 15, 2014 7 comments Faith Graph, Morals, Science
The most expensive graphic in human history, shows how right we are! Praise!

Graphs Prove SMN Ministries Right

SAFFORD-ARIZONA, B.L.U.F.F CAMPUS. (SMNNN) New graphs released by B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, reaffirm what B.L.U.F.F. quite loudly proclaimed, they knew all along. The most recent graph relates the increase in masturbations done in urban settings, within the United States of America, over the past five years, […]

by July 15, 2014 8 comments Morals, Science, Self-Rape Prevention, Trending
Is Obama Secretly Married to Satan?

Is Obama Secretly Married to Satan?

(Stop Masturbation NOW)— Obama, probably the most controversial and nefarious creature in history has mysteriously risen to the presidency of the United States of America even without being a US citizen or even showing any love for America or its state religion. Some would say he is the antichrist, some […]

by July 14, 2014 46 comments Morals
Christophobia – the Natural Result of Self-Rape

Christophobia – the Natural Result of Self-Rape

My dear friends in Christ. May God bless you in HIS name and bestow special graces upon you for reading this most holy webpage. Jesus knows that the Internet is rife with all manner of deviance and uncouth content. The devil uses the Big Masturbation coalition of evil to infiltrate […]

by July 14, 2014 12 comments Morals
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