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Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

 

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with their sin stick and women have spent a lot of time spelunking in their sin caves. The results are just about everything that’s wrong with society – which we have covered in countless other articles and posts.

In addition to being one of the top ten causes of disease, masturbation can precipitate severe psychosexual impairment, not to mention a heap of shame and ridicule from others, from your partner and most importantly, from yourself. It will sap your vitality and decrease your longevity. Fertility in women also suffers from masturbation. Studies by the Foundation for a Better Tomorrow have researched these topics in depth and copies are available on request from the Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts™ library for a small fee.

KLVforDummies

Co-authored by Lonald Childs, PhD

We understand the impulse to self-rape can be strong in some individuals. It is those to whom we extend a loving hand and help them quit their repulsive addiction. Bear with me as I explain the weird but simple trick Brother Lonnie’s followers use to obtain blissful ecstasy – in a safe and Biblical manner.

Some time after his conversion and enlightenment, Brother Lonnie Childs discovered something far better than coaxing yourself into ejaculatory orgasm. His deep understanding of man, God and nature led him to formulate a magical experience heretofore unrivaled in other systems of belief and sexual practices: the FaithGasm™.

Members of Brother Lonnie’s covenant use this practice – a very gift of the Holy Spirit – whenever they want to attain a taste of the true paradise they have earned. Other faiths and churches have come close, but none has achieved this unparalleled aroused state of euphoric grace. To be sure, many of our flock are able to attain multiple FaithGasms at one time.

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Increase your self-confidence and vitality with FaithGasm™

Brother Lonnie’s methods include specialized breathing techniques, careful channeling of spiritual energy, “pressing the collection plate,” and hitting the fabled F-Spot. However, this is proprietary information and only taught to students enrolled on B.L.U.F.F. campuses in Arizona, Idaho, Ohio as well as in the U.K. and The Netherlands. These experiences dramatically enhance one’s relationship with God and with oneself, and we are living proof.

Masturbation – not even once. FaithGasm™ – Every. Single. Time.

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u dumb
u dumb
6 years ago

I just wanted you to know that I am a 16 year old girl, and I am trying to find more of my lord and savior in my life. And that is my clit. I found him many of times 😉

shellyrichey
6 years ago
Reply to  u dumb

It’s fairly obvious that you’re suffering from the first signs of delusional self-rape. It attacks your grammar first. Sad. Such a young life, wasted.

u dumb
u dumb
6 years ago
Reply to  shellyrichey

Please, cry about it more so I can use your tears as lub. 🙂

Billybob
Billybob
6 years ago
Reply to  u dumb

You are stupid “u dumb”

Danny Featherstone
6 years ago

I’m sure our lord and saviour Jesus christ lives through my penis. Praise be

u dumb
u dumb
6 years ago

#Fapmen

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago

Repent and turn away from your sin stick!

shellyrichey
6 years ago

I will pray at all of you.

Puddin' Pounder
Puddin' Pounder
6 years ago

Extend a loving hand? Isn’t that part of the problem?

augustweisz
Admin
6 years ago

I just enjoy not touching myself.

YouAreStupid
6 years ago
Reply to  augustweisz

And I really enjoy touching myself 🙂

Bishop Smith
Bishop Smith
6 years ago

My FaithGasms are extraordinarily strong. All because I stopped raping myself decades ago. My whole body convulses when I hit my F-spot.

Puddin' Pounder
Puddin' Pounder
6 years ago
Reply to  Bishop Smith

My thighs quake at the thought of your FaithGasms!

Truffle
6 years ago

I experience multiple’s and it’s all thanks to, Lonnie Childs.

Praise!

Beth
Beth
6 years ago

I am not trying to offend anyone, but what you are writing in here is just plain bulls**t.

“It will sap your vitality and decrease your longevity. Fertility in women also suffers from masturbation.”? Really? There is no scientific study, no reliable source whatsoever to support this nonsense. Masturbation DOES NOT affect fertility nor does it decrease your longevity.

I don’t know if people actually believe this crap, but if there are some who do… I just don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Get your facts straight and stop posting inaccurate information on the Internet.

Truffle
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

These are #FaithFacts 100% irrefutable and undisputable.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Truffle

#FaithFacts, #BullCraps, I see no difference.

Religion is a sin
Religion is a sin
6 years ago

IS THIS FOR REAL?!?!

ALSo…
http://bit.ly/1nKEc84