Morals

A Word To the Masturbators

A Word To the Masturbators

Hello fellow Chosen Normals, I, Professor Doctor Brother Dean Thomas Kelly, Necromancer of the twenty-fifth level, would just like to say a quick word about violating your sin-center for the foolish, evil, and disgusting purpose of sexual self-gratification: Don’t. Praise, and may God bless those that matter.

by July 14, 2014 18 comments Disciples, Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
The FaithFacts are in: Tattoos are a Sin.

The FaithFacts are in: Tattoos are a Sin.

To Tattoo or Not To? FaithFacts™, Tattoos and You SAFFORD, ARIZ. – Today, there is lots of peer pressure to “get inked.” Everyone, from perky middle school students to “brodudes” to auto mechanics to soccer moms to Wall Street brokers to saggy old ladies with “granny bumps” are getting all sorts […]

Anticipation and Excitement as the Day of Hitching Approaches

Anticipation and Excitement as the Day of Hitching Approaches

Safford, AZ – July 16th – it promises to be a day filled with magic and love at the BLUFF Campound, as dozens of young men will be marrying their Initial Spouses in the Day of Hitching annual celebration. A tradition for Lonvidians, the Day of Hitching is approached with […]

by July 12, 2014 5 comments Disciples, Morals, World
Lonnie Offers FREE Skin Bleaching Treatments To All Non-Normals!

Lonnie Offers FREE Skin Bleaching Treatments To All Non-Normals!

As Brother Lonnie is often heard saying, “The darker the skin, the deeper the sin.” It is common knowledge that foreigners are the most sinful folk. Most of my fellow brothers and sisters know best to cross over to the other side of the street when they notice a non-normal coming their way. […]

The family of Jacob Reznor, at home and anxiously awaiting the arrival of the innocent.

“It’s As If A Giant Weight Has Been Lifted From My Heart.”

Safford, AZ –  Jacob Reznor and Anthony Steward, two members of the BLUFF community, returned home today after being acquitted of all charges in the disappearance and alleged murder of Sarah Josephine Richards. Male family members and friends greeted them at the gate, while the Unchosen stood by applauding silently […]

by July 10, 2014 7 comments Morals
Real Fappy is coming soon!

Monsanto and B.L.U.F.F To Create Actual Fappy Mascot

SAFFORD-ARIZONA (SMNNN) Brother Dr. Skippy Enis, B.L.U.F.F liaison to Monsanto Company announced today that the huge multi-national poison, tasty food, and G.M.O, super corporation, has begun production of the first human/dolphin chimera. Says Dr. Enis, ” Brother Lonnie Childs himself, and his personal attache Doug Pinnick, have been in talks […]

by July 10, 2014 9 comments Disciples, Fappy, Money, Morals, Trending
Grand Opening: Childs Youth Procreation Adventure Theme Park

Grand Opening: Childs Youth Procreation Adventure Theme Park

A new procreation-themed learning park for Christian children will open Friday at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts compound resort in Arizona. Childs Youth Procreation Adventure is designed specifically for children as young as 3 to learn about the dangers of masturbation and Homogayness. “The Christian procreation park completely embodies the idea of creating an environment focused […]

ESPN Starts Smut Magazine To Avoid Bankruptcy

ESPN Starts Smut Magazine To Avoid Bankruptcy

WEST SACRAMENTO, CALIF. — (SMNNN)   As the interest in professional sports continues to wane in the United States, ESPN has attempted to be proactive in their approach to avoid otherwise inevitable bankruptcy. Instead of trying to create interesting and provocative programming on their multiple television networks; ESPN has chosen […]

by July 9, 2014 7 comments Money, Morals, Sports, Trending
Hot New “Wheelin’ and Feelin'” Trend Claims Another Life

Hot New “Wheelin’ and Feelin'” Trend Claims Another Life

Orange County, CA – A family is left grieving and planning arrangements today as the new “Wheelin and Feelin” craze sweeping the nation claims another young life. At approximately 11:15 AM, in sunny Laguna Beach, CA, one child has been pronounced dead and another is injured in what is being […]

by July 8, 2014 31 comments Morals, Sports, Trending
Saving Souls From Masturbation On Public Transportation

Saving Souls From Masturbation On Public Transportation

We all learned in history class, that back in 1892, Harriet Tubman boarded a bus and refused to move from the front seat for a White man. This caused the “Civil Rights” protests and eventually, “Affirmative Action”. What they don’t teach in Public Schools though, is the reason why this […]

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