Morals

World Least Funny Atheist, Also World’s Most Prolific Masturbator

World Least Funny Atheist, Also World’s Most Prolific Masturbator

  THE ISLAND OF UNITED KINGDOMS- (SMNN) The world’s least funny man, noted filthy atheist Ricky Gervais admitted today, that he is also the world’s most prolific masturbator. Gervais admits to masturbating in excess of 300 times daily. Ricky Gervais, horrible non-humourous atheist, has long been known to be pure […]

by July 30, 2014 2 comments Celebrity, History, Morals, Spot a Masturbator
A Jam Band Masturbation-orgy recruitment flyer.

“Jam Band”: A Rising Problem

      WATERTOWN CT (SMNNN) “ …every song the Grateful Dead wrote was about masturbation, Satan or fornication! Some lyrics: ” Born in the jungle, raised in the lions,den. Numba one occupation, stealin’ wimmens from dey mans.”- One of their songs TRANSLATION: I am a sub-human beastophile. My job […]

A History Lesson to the Masturbators

A History Lesson to the Masturbators

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Masturbation is a sin that breaks God’s heart. Thus, the true soldiers of God have always been at war with The Masturbator.  Professor Milton Grits explains how in the 20th Century the forces of  good came together and struck down the enemy masturbator like a lightning bolt […]

Introducing Masturbators Anonymous: The 12 Steps

Introducing Masturbators Anonymous: The 12 Steps

-Stop Masturbation NOW, Safford, AZ Increasingly, masturbation is being seen as the sinful addiction disease that it is, and recovery programs across the world are being created to address the needs of the self-rapists who are destroying their lives as well as the lives of their families. To this end, […]

Chronic Masturbator Sues the State of Florida for the Right to Marry Himself.

Chronic Masturbator Sues the State of Florida for the Right to Marry Himself.

  Joe Ferno, of Naples Florida, has filed suit in State Superior Court, claiming that his right to marry himself is being infringed upon by Florida’s antiquated laws that state marriage is between two people. The plaintiff, an admitted ten-times a day masturbator, says he is doing what all same-self […]

by July 26, 2014 17 comments Morals, Politics
Coming Soon To A Campus Near You – Self-Rape Whistle

Coming Soon To A Campus Near You – Self-Rape Whistle

Dr. Paul Horner, a sociology professor at BYU and has just thrown down the gauntlet in the war against self rape with his new invention. He has designed a ‘Self-Rape Whistle’ to help protect today’s youth against the constant barrage of temptation. “The idea is simple” says Dr. Horner. “Whenever […]

by July 25, 2014 49 comments Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
In Obamas America: Kids Tricked into Watching Porn

In Obamas America: Kids Tricked into Watching Porn

(Stop Masturbation NOW)—People say America is “progressing”… women can vote, gays can marry, blacks can be president? Well do you call this progressing? I think not. Liberal Hollywood will to anything to pervert our children. America, it is time to rise up and vote to restore family values. The liberals […]

by July 24, 2014 14 comments Morals
Parents around the world are waking up to the fact that pornographics can be found on the World Wideweb (www)

“Pornography? On MY SON’S Computer?”

**BREAKING MASTURBATION ALERT** Parents, it has recently come to my attention that pornograpics, i.e., explicit sexual material, can be found on the World Wideweb (www).  Have you ever wondered what your son is doing whenever you are not around?  Chances are he is locked away in his bedroom, self-raping to […]

NFL kicking sensation on short list of candidates for South Dakota's Council of Morality

Tina’s Law Passed in South Dakota

As part of STOP Masturation NOW’s ongoing mission to eradicate masturbation, Lonnie Childs has sponsored legislature in 18 of the 50 states to make masturbation illegal. Tina’s Law (named after black pop singing sensation Tina Turner) makes masturbation illegal and sets up a “Council of Morality” appointed by Brother Lonnie […]

Argentinian Man Masturbates 83 Times In 24 Hour Period – New World Record

Argentinian Man Masturbates 83 Times In 24 Hour Period – New World Record

La Falda, Argentina – Residents of a small town in Argentina are celebrating today as one of their own citizens has become the new record holder in the field of masturbation. From 8pm Thursday evening until 8pm Friday night, 22-year-old Hugo Lopez from the city of La Falda masturbated a […]

by July 21, 2014 15 comments Foreigners, Morals, Sports, World
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