World

Grand Opening: Childs Youth Procreation Adventure Theme Park

Grand Opening: Childs Youth Procreation Adventure Theme Park

A new procreation-themed learning park for Christian children will open Friday at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts compound resort in Arizona. Childs Youth Procreation Adventure is designed specifically for children as young as 3 to learn about the dangers of masturbation and Homogayness. “The Christian procreation park completely embodies the idea of creating an environment focused […]

Happy Birthday, America!

Happy Birthday, America!

Today marks the 2014th birthday of America, God’s favorite country.  Praise!  We here at STOP Masturbation NOW live the moral, masturbation free lives that the Founding Fathers intended!  Creating a sovereign nation free from the yoke of oppression was not without it’s complications and tribulations.  We must never forget that […]

by July 4, 2014 10 comments History, Morals, Politics, World
Ebola Outbreak Decimates African Countries, Masturbation To Blame

Ebola Outbreak Decimates African Countries, Masturbation To Blame

DARKEST AFRICA- SMNNN Ebola, feared disease who’s horrible symptoms include organ explosion and puss legions, and eventually, painful excruciating death, is now spreading rapidly across the countries of Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone, affecting hundreds of millions of non-normals and leaving a trail of death and suffering, all of which […]

by July 2, 2014 17 comments Foreigners, Uncategorized, World
Ancient Rome Destoyed by Masturbators, Says New Faithscientific Evidence

Ancient Rome Destoyed by Masturbators, Says New Faithscientific Evidence

ROME- ITALY (European Mexico) SMNNN New archeological evidence suggests masturbation to be the cause of the collapse of the Roman/Byzantine Sodomite empire, says Dr Garbanzo, head doctor of Faithscience In Regards To Ancient Sodomites, who has been excavating various volcanic sites around the island of Stromboli in the Mediterranean. Dr […]

by July 2, 2014 17 comments Foreigners, Morals, Weather, World
Kim Jong-Un Angry At Seth Rogen For Filming Masturbation Snuff Film

Kim Jong-Un Angry At Seth Rogen For Filming Masturbation Snuff Film

PYONGYANG, DPRK — (SMNNN) In a surprising move today, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un took time out from recording music with Snoop Dogg, to declare a recent film by Seth Rogen as an “act of war against all who oppose masturbation”. Rogen’s new film stars himself and fellow liberal masturbator […]

by June 25, 2014 20 comments Foreigners, Politics, World
Kraft Foods Recalls Velveeta Cheese; Unsafe Levels Of Semen Found

Kraft Foods Recalls Velveeta Cheese; Unsafe Levels Of Semen Found

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Popular foodlike product producer “Kraft ‘Foods’” issued a recall of it’s ‘Velveeta Cheese’ product after incredibly high levels of semen were detected. The semen level issue was found after several customer complaints of an incredibly bitter taste began to emerge via the manufacturer’s Facebook […]

by June 20, 2014 7 comments World
#FacebookDown; Facebook Paying The Karmic Price

#FacebookDown; Facebook Paying The Karmic Price

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Just days after the unjustified removal of the Stop Masturbation Now Facebook netpage, a mysterious karmic retribution occurred as millions of international users of the netsite were unable to login and harass Lonvidians. Users across the globe were met with an error message on […]

by June 19, 2014 3 comments Foreigners, World
Masturbation Almost Killed Us All

Masturbation Almost Killed Us All

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) The lamestream media has recently made much todo about an incident in January 1961 where two hydrogen bombs fell out of a B-52. As expected, the state controlled media is only giving you part of the story. The “official version” states that the B-52 […]

by June 17, 2014 13 comments World
B.L.U.F.F. Bans Female Use of Wheeled Mouse Devices

B.L.U.F.F. Bans Female Use of Wheeled Mouse Devices

By Brother Cassidy Pen <B.L.U.F.F. AZ> The Eldership of Brother Lonald’s University of Faith Facts announced a ban on female use of wheeled mouse input devices. This ban includes all makes and models having a scroll wheel, especially those with “click” wheel capabilities, as I will explain. A recent study, […]

by June 17, 2014 7 comments World
Childs Youth abduct Micheal Bay.

Childs Youth abduct Micheal Bay.

HOLLYWOOD- CALIFORNIA (SMNNN) The religious activism organization of children “Childs Youth”, (named for our savior Lonald Childs), released a statement today saying they have converted noteable homogay,  Micheal Bay (Director of many blockbuster films, such as Planet of the Apes; Dark of the Moon, and Captain America: The Amazing Spiderman […]

by June 16, 2014 0 comments Celebrity, World
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