World

The Chelyabinsk meteor injured many people.

Girl Killed by Meteor Strike While Masturbating

Chelyabinsk, Russian Communist C.C.C.P (SMNN) Thanks to a huge out-pouring of public information, B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow’s informational staff have found evidence that a 16-year-old female was killed by a meteorite impact, while masturbating outside, during the Chelyabinsk Meteor Incident in February of 2013. Magda Leshniac […]

by July 25, 2014 42 comments Death, Foreigners, Science, Spot a Masturbator, Weather, World
Whoa! Would you get a load of that sinkhole?

Siberian Village Lost Due To Asian Masturbation’s Impact On Global Environment

SIBERIA- COMMUNIST U.S.S.R C.C.C.P (SMNNN) An entire village in Siberia has been swallowed into a huge crater, and masturbation is definitely the cause, leading Faithscientists say. Leading Faithclimatetologist, Dr Skippy Enis, recently involved in an atomic meltdown explosion at B.L.U.F.F Graphcenter , and fresh from life saving surgery, explains the […]

Argentinian Man Masturbates 83 Times In 24 Hour Period – New World Record

Argentinian Man Masturbates 83 Times In 24 Hour Period – New World Record

La Falda, Argentina – Residents of a small town in Argentina are celebrating today as one of their own citizens has become the new record holder in the field of masturbation. From 8pm Thursday evening until 8pm Friday night, 22-year-old Hugo Lopez from the city of La Falda masturbated a […]

by July 21, 2014 15 comments Foreigners, Morals, Sports, World
Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

  SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with […]

The Environmental Impact of Masturbation

The Environmental Impact of Masturbation

  It’s common knowledge that masturbation turns ordinary people into criminals and perfectly healthy people into Stephen Hawking. But what about our planet? Is the Earth feeling the sting of masturbation?   Your average masturbator burns between 50 to 150 calories with every masturbation session, depending on factors such as: […]

by July 18, 2014 117 comments Morals, Science, Weather, World
The FaithFacts are in: Tattoos are a Sin.

The FaithFacts are in: Tattoos are a Sin.

To Tattoo or Not To? FaithFacts™, Tattoos and You SAFFORD, ARIZ. – Today, there is lots of peer pressure to “get inked.” Everyone, from perky middle school students to “brodudes” to auto mechanics to soccer moms to Wall Street brokers to saggy old ladies with “granny bumps” are getting all sorts […]

Anticipation and Excitement as the Day of Hitching Approaches

Anticipation and Excitement as the Day of Hitching Approaches

Safford, AZ – July 16th – it promises to be a day filled with magic and love at the BLUFF Campound, as dozens of young men will be marrying their Initial Spouses in the Day of Hitching annual celebration. A tradition for Lonvidians, the Day of Hitching is approached with […]

by July 12, 2014 5 comments Disciples, Morals, World
Lonnie Offers FREE Skin Bleaching Treatments To All Non-Normals!

Lonnie Offers FREE Skin Bleaching Treatments To All Non-Normals!

As Brother Lonnie is often heard saying, “The darker the skin, the deeper the sin.” It is common knowledge that foreigners are the most sinful folk. Most of my fellow brothers and sisters know best to cross over to the other side of the street when they notice a non-normal coming their way. […]

Breaking News: Masturbation Caused 6.8 Earthquake Strikes Fukushima Japan, Tsunami Warning Issued

Breaking News: Masturbation Caused 6.8 Earthquake Strikes Fukushima Japan, Tsunami Warning Issued

(Stop Masturbation Now)— A 6.8-magnitude earthquake early Saturday struck offshore not far from Fukushima, Japan — the epicenter of a nuclear crisis following a massive 2011 earthquake and tsunami — the Japan Meteorological Agency reported. Earthquakes are caused when semen from masturbation flows into the oceans and wiggles into cracks […]

Lonvidians Cleared of All Charges in the Murder of Female.

Lonvidians Cleared of All Charges in the Murder of Female.

Safford, Arizona – Jacob Reznor and Anthony Steward, two members of the BLUFF community, have been cleared of all charges in the disappearance and alleged murder of Sarah Josephine Richards. This controversial decision was passed down today in the Graham County Superior Court, dismissing all evidence against the two men […]

by July 10, 2014 10 comments Trending, World
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