World

TSA Backscatter Scanners Successful In Reducing Masturbation

TSA Backscatter Scanners Successful In Reducing Masturbation

A two-year study by the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow found that the TSA Backscatter Anti-Terrorist Scanners not only kept America safe but also reduced the urge to masturbate in those travelers zapped by the machines. Faith Researcher and spokesman Paul Nelson explains, “We followed travelers that went through the Backscatter […]

by August 23, 2014 7 comments Politics, Trending, World
Ebola Discovered Spread Via Masturbation

Ebola Discovered Spread Via Masturbation

SIERRA LEONE – A French foreign aid worker has contracted the Ebola virus through masturbation. The World Health Organization morns the loss of a brave volunteer, Jorge Pierre-Francios, who was assisting the infected in a makeshift Ebola treatment center in Sierra Leone. Previous infections of the virus have been through […]

by August 14, 2014 6 comments World
Michael Hutchinson, Lead Singer of British Band INXS, Suffers Humiliating Masturbation Death

Michael Hutchinson, Lead Singer of British Band INXS, Suffers Humiliating Masturbation Death

Hear that sound?  That’s the sound of Satan accepting a new victim into his realm.  Michael Hutchinson, lead singer of British death metal band INXS, died recently due to masturbation-related complications.  From an outsider’s perspective Michael seemed to have a fulfilling yet wild life.  He had money, fame and respect.  […]

Masturbation Facts That Will Blow Your Mind., By Christina McIerncock Rubright

Masturbation Facts that Will BLOW YOUR MIND!

Ocean Water and Semen Ocean water is salty. Semen is salty. You should never swallow ocean water while swimming. You should never masturbate, NOR should you swallow your own semen after masturbating. Lonnie Childs’ Law of Conservation of Mass states in faith : “Matter is neither created nor destroyed as […]

Childs Youth Establishes Beachhead In China

Childs Youth Establishes Beachhead In China

Hebei Province – CHINA (SMNNN) The growing Anti-Masturbation Youth Movement, the Childs Youth, recently fired the first shot in the attempt to convert the Chinese mainland to the ways of masturbation abstinence. A gang of 11 confirmed Childs Youth members, all between the ages of seven and twelve, killed an eleven […]

by August 1, 2014 1 comment World
Karate for Perverts

Karate for Perverts

Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. This conditions the body and mind to become a gay. It’s like Karate for perverts. If you do identify as homosexual, […]

Compound children showing the ropes to the new arrivals

Brother Lonnie’s Skin Bleaching Program Proving a Huge Success

Rejoice brothers and sisters! A moment of righteous vindication is upon us. After weeks of false accusations and liberal media criticism, Brother Lonnie’s Bleach Away The Sin therapy for children of dangerous minorities is exceeding all expectations! Hours after an incentive program was introduced guaranteeing certain benefits for the parents of enrolled children, the […]

Displaying perfect form, Brother Lonnie shoots another hole in one on a par 5.

Brother Lonnie Shatters Kim Jong-Il’s 18 Hole Golf Record

  In Brother Lonnie’s first and only round of golf, he has managed to shatter the 18 hole record of 34 set by North Korean dictator/professional athlete Kim Jong-Il back in 1994 which was also Kim’s one and only round of golf.   Kim Jong-Il’s 38 under par round included […]

A History Lesson to the Masturbators

A History Lesson to the Masturbators

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Masturbation is a sin that breaks God’s heart. Thus, the true soldiers of God have always been at war with The Masturbator.  Professor Milton Grits explains how in the 20th Century the forces of  good came together and struck down the enemy masturbator like a lightning bolt […]

The Chelyabinsk meteor injured many people.

Girl Killed by Meteor Strike While Masturbating

Chelyabinsk, Russian Communist C.C.C.P (SMNN) Thanks to a huge out-pouring of public information, B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow’s informational staff have found evidence that a 16-year-old female was killed by a meteorite impact, while masturbating outside, during the Chelyabinsk Meteor Incident in February of 2013. Magda Leshniac […]

by July 25, 2014 42 comments Death, Foreigners, Science, Spot a Masturbator, Weather, World
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