Pre-Coming Of The Apocalypse May Have Already Begun

Pre-Coming Of The Apocalypse May Have Already Begun

WATERBURY CT- (SMNNN) The End of Days maybe be upon us all, thus ringing in the beginning of the Rapture, and it all centers on one small city in the forgotten state of Connecticut. Waterbury CT, a small and once-cursed by Native Tee-Pee and Wigwam Indians to be an uninhabitable […]

Mikhail Gorbachev (image source: SpreeTom (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons)

Gorbachev Claims World on Brink of ‘New Cold War’; Expects New Golden Age of Anti-Masturbation

1980s Communist leader, Mikhail Gorbachev, has come forth to alert the world that it is on the brink of a “new Cold War”. Gorbachev speculates that once this “new Cold War” begins, worldwide masturbation rates will plummet like they did during the peak of the original “Cold War”. Speaking in […]

by November 10, 2014 7 comments World
Brother Cassidy’s Street Ministry: A Dire Warning!

Brother Cassidy’s Street Ministry: A Dire Warning!

My dear friends in Christ through Lonnie’s Way, please hear my words as I speak them and trumpet them to all lands of the world! These end times are surely upon us, as the irrefutable warnings have been heard. The events are at hand. This is the Faith of the […]

by November 3, 2014 7 comments World
MRFP at 100X magnifications

EbolAIDS Outbreak Begins

The Gulf Region USA- Somewhere in Africa or maybe Asia- (SMNNN) Officials at B.L.U.F.F. microorganism/viral weaponry division, and the at least one capable person at The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, have declared the the dreaded homogay-induced virus Bad AIDS has mutated, and become the gay upon the proven masturbatory […]

by October 10, 2014 15 comments Animals, Science, Supernatural Disaster, World
Eric Holder Resigns Ahead of Looming Masturbation Scandal

Eric Holder Resigns Ahead of Looming Masturbation Scandal

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Disgraced U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, the nation’s so-called “top cop” and chief legal adviser to President Barack Obama, has announced his imminent resignation as new revelations about the Justice Department’s secretive Operation Fap and Furious come to light. It has been learned that the covert program, […]

by September 29, 2014 6 comments Politics, Trending, World
Alleged Texts Point Toward Pope Francis Orchestrating Recent Black Mass

Alleged Texts Point Toward Pope Francis Orchestrating Recent Black Mass

Oklahoma City, OK – Good news sometimes comes from unfortunate circumstances, and we all know that God works in mysterious ways. Dakhma of Angra Mainyu Syndicate, a small denomination of self-raping satan worshippers, recently performed a Black Mass in Oklahoma City – and thousands of Catholics and REAL Christians showed […]

by September 26, 2014 3 comments World
Masturbation Causes Ocean Holes

Masturbation Causes Ocean Holes

The Ocean-(SMNN) We here at Stop Masturbation Now are, as always, on top of all environmental damages caused by masturbation’s deadly residue, masturbation residue film particles. MFRPs have been proven to cause all manner of terrible holes in the ground, but now, they have taken to causing holes all up […]

by September 11, 2014 7 comments Foreigners, Science, World
This chart clearly explains this is happening.

Masturbation Poisons Groundwater

Danvers ME-(SMNNN) Elementary school students of Danvers, Maine have tested at an all-time low, and masturbation is to blame, say new studies done by B.L.U.F.F. Aqua-management Surveying Division. Masturbation Film Residue Particles, or MFRPs, as they are more popularly known, from Snow Mexican seminal fluids , are believed to have […]

by September 10, 2014 2 comments Foreigners, Lifestyle, Morals, Science, Uncategorized, World
Blue whales are once more free to swim in the semen infested oceans of Earth.

Blue Whale Poulation Rebound As Sperm Whales Are Destroyed

The Oceans and Seas (SMNNN) Tea-drinking Englishes say in a recent report by the Queen (or whoever rules the islands of Englishes), that the global population of Blue Whales has rebounded over the last 20 years as Sperm Whale extermination continues. Whaling, long touted as barbarism, and a well-know source […]

by September 6, 2014 3 comments Animals, Foreigners, History, Science, World
Masturbation Triggered Japasian Landslides

Masturbation Triggered Japasian Landslides

HIROSHIMA, Japasia – The devastating landslides that rocked Japasia and caused numerous deaths and billions of yen worth of property damage were determined to have been triggered by massive and furious masturbation, according to scientists working for the Foundation For a Better Tomorrow. Although the communist government does not officially […]

by August 25, 2014 26 comments World
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