Articles by: Lonnie Childs

Merriam-Webster's newest word: FAPSTINENCE.  Praise!

Merriam-Webster Adds Anti-Masturbation Word to Their Dictionary : FAPSTINENCE

After months of lobbying, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW are proud to announce a major victory over the powerful forces of Big Masturbation and enemies of God-given morals everywhere!  Praise!  The good folks at Merriam-Webster have added the word “Fapstinence” to their dictionary, acknowledging all of the hard work […]

by August 28, 2014 8 comments Lexicon
Michael Hutchinson, Lead Singer of British Band INXS, Suffers Humiliating Masturbation Death

Michael Hutchinson, Lead Singer of British Band INXS, Suffers Humiliating Masturbation Death

Hear that sound?  That’s the sound of Satan accepting a new victim into his realm.  Michael Hutchinson, lead singer of British death metal band INXS, died recently due to masturbation-related complications.  From an outsider’s perspective Michael seemed to have a fulfilling yet wild life.  He had money, fame and respect.  […]

The Morning After…For the Masturbation Addict

The Morning After…For the Masturbation Addict

“What happened last night?  Did I get selfraped? Who do I turn to?” Turn to Christ, young masturbator!  Take the STOP Masturbation NOW pledge of self-celibacy today!  Praise!

by August 9, 2014 18 comments Lifestyle
STOP Masturbation NOW Supports TRADITIONAL Marriage

STOP Masturbation NOW Supports TRADITIONAL Marriage

At first glance, this looks like a happy couple, sharing in the afterglow of wedded bliss.  But…look closer.  Notice anything…disturbing?  Notice anything…unnatural?  Notice anything…that God would disapprove of?  The reason why this photo of this unholy matrimony makes your skin crawl is because both of these people are MASTURBATORS.  These […]

by August 7, 2014 11 comments Traditional Marriage
Faithfact #448

Faithfact #448 – T-Rex’s Short Arms

DID YOU KNOW?   The mighty dragon, T-Rex, once had arms like that of a man but was PUNISHED by God for masturbating and cursed with the short arms he now has today.

by July 24, 2014 17 comments Faith Fact Series
Parents around the world are waking up to the fact that pornographics can be found on the World Wideweb (www)

“Pornography? On MY SON’S Computer?”

**BREAKING MASTURBATION ALERT** Parents, it has recently come to my attention that pornograpics, i.e., explicit sexual material, can be found on the World Wideweb (www).  Have you ever wondered what your son is doing whenever you are not around?  Chances are he is locked away in his bedroom, self-raping to […]

Is Obama Secretly Married to Satan?

Is Obama Secretly Married to Satan?

(Stop Masturbation NOW)— Obama, probably the most controversial and nefarious creature in history has mysteriously risen to the presidency of the United States of America even without being a US citizen or even showing any love for America or its state religion. Some would say he is the antichrist, some […]

by July 14, 2014 46 comments Morals
A Fourth of July Faithfact!

A Fourth of July Faithfact!

Have a safe and masturbation free Fourth.

by July 3, 2014 47 comments Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
Proof that people who don’t masturbate can accomplish anything!  Praise!

Proof that people who don’t masturbate can accomplish anything! Praise!

by May 27, 2014 4 comments Celebrity, Morals, Science
Self-Rape is NOT a Victimless Crime.  Masturbation:  Not Even Once.

Self-Rape is NOT a Victimless Crime. Masturbation: Not Even Once.

As we all know, masturbation deaths come in fours.  Please share these memers with your friends, family, and co-workers.  Praise!

by May 21, 2014 4 comments Celebrity, Death, Morals
Help Stop Masturbation Now!
Get the latest content first.
We respect your privacy.