Post Tagged with: "god"

Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

By Nigel J. Covington III Reporting For SMN News (SMN News) Today the U.S. Department of Education, (DOE) announced the Board of Education has approved a new Sex Education curriculum for all high school aged students who attend public high schools throughout the country. Cynthia Castle-Coe, a spokesperson for the […]

by February 4, 2017 1 comment Press Release
The Pridemore Family, during happier times.

Youth Caught Self Raping

When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to  retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of the Tonight Show before turning in. She visited her daughter Sarah, who at the tender […]

by June 23, 2016 66 comments B.L.U.F.F., Family Values
Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Diogo Dias Cortérro

Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Diogo Dias Cortérro

Diogo Dias Cortérro (1460-1525) A Spirited man of a rock-solid Christian foundation, Diogo Dias Cortérro was much more than an explorer during the Age of European Expansion. Cortérro was born in Vigo, Spain to a devout couple within the moral confines of wedlock (1460). His early years were spent in […]

by July 20, 2015 1 comment History
Have You Been Touched By The Hand of God?

Have You Been Touched By The Hand of God?

  We here at Stop Masturbation Now Ministries often hear the dribble from masturbators that “Too much build-up of sperm in your system is un-healthy.” While that is partially true, it is not entirely true. Have you ever wondered why nobody dies from too much build-up? After all, people die […]

by July 15, 2015 16 comments Science
A Third World Christmas

A Third World Christmas

By: Cassidy Pen, USMC (ret.) My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way, as you hopefully are putting the finishing touches on your preparations to celebrate the Birthday of Baby Jesus with your appointed spouses and loved ones, I’d like to share a true Christmas story from the past during […]

by December 18, 2014 4 comments History
(image source: By Thue (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

100% Of All Car Accidents Are Caused By Masturbators

The world’s last great think tank, The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, recently finished an 18-month study on the root cause of automobile accidents. The results they found, while predictable, were still shocking to the average American who still has not accepted Lonnie Childs as their personal anti-masturbation savior. Car […]

by November 13, 2014 18 comments Death, Faith Graph, Lonnie Childs, Morals
New Sex Toys Allow Wifi Masturbation

New Sex Toys Allow Wifi Masturbation

A New Hampshire-based company run by sinful females has introduced new sex toys using wifi technology. The toys, designed to allow two or more users to mutually masturbate themselves, blur the line between masturbation and the righteous expression of love. Robot sex innovations have advanced self rape technology in evil […]

by August 5, 2014 23 comments Lifestyle
The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin. Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by […]

by July 30, 2014 23 comments Self-Rape Prevention
God and California Thwarts Homo Gay Agenda in San Francisco

God and California Thwarts Homo Gay Agenda in San Francisco

Everyone knows that San Francisco is the center of world hedonism as sex in the streets and homogay parades result in traffic jams where rubbernecked citizens are seemingly shocked daily at the carnival of sin that goes on around them. Like Lott in Sodom, the righteous are left to fend […]

by July 8, 2014 12 comments Politics
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