We may have figured we’d heard the last of them, but the sinister homosexual noise band, Queen, has released another splattering of dread onto the faces of the public. The deeply offensive tracks in their current live album were actually taken from a concert that occurred years ago. The music […]
The Menstrual Hut Procedures and Guidelines *Note: The following is a living document subject to refinement, adjustment, and reinterpretation by Brother Lonnie in conjunction with the B.L.U.F.F. Council of Elders (Eldership). Revisions may occur without notice; however, they become Campus Law as soon as they are bound to print. Any […]
![(source: By BuzzWoof (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)](https://stopmasturbationnow.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/640px-Jelly_Fish2-174x131.jpg)
A Florida man is dead after being swarmed by box jellyfish in the waters off of Apollo Beach over the weekend. Tampa Bay authorities have identified the man, Martin Robertson, 18, of South Tampa and have confirmed he was alone at the time of the attack. Initially it was unknown […]
NEWBERRY PALMS, CA – Earlier today, 15 year old Cindy Saccapelli committed the sin of masturbation at her Catholic place of learning. When first responding school officials questioned her, she claimed the stains on her cheerleader uniform were caused by solar flares. The cheerleaders of Our Lady of the Blessed […]
Officials speculate that an attempt to join a fictional ‘club’ of masturbatory achievement has led to a small plane crashing off the coast of Jamaica on Friday. Many details are still unknown, however it is now confirmed that the doomed flight left Rochester, New York this morning and became “unresponsive” […]
HIROSHIMA, Japasia – The devastating landslides that rocked Japasia and caused numerous deaths and billions of yen worth of property damage were determined to have been triggered by massive and furious masturbation, according to scientists working for the Foundation For a Better Tomorrow. Although the communist government does not officially […]
SIERRA LEONE – A French foreign aid worker has contracted the Ebola virus through masturbation. The World Health Organization morns the loss of a brave volunteer, Jorge Pierre-Francios, who was assisting the infected in a makeshift Ebola treatment center in Sierra Leone. Previous infections of the virus have been through […]
Celebrity bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman issued a threat on social networking that he is “coming” for known masturbators. Chapman’s first target is MMA fighter “War Machine” who recently got in an altercation with his professional masturbator ex-girlfriend and an additional unnamed individual. Chapman gave Mr. Machine time to turn […]
A new study from the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow reveals a startling increase of what experts are referring to as “masturbator on masturbator violent crime” or “MOMVC”. A MOMVC is a violent act committed by and/or against a known or alleged masturbator. In many cases, such as the one discussed in […]
Robin Williams has committed suicide.The Oscar-winning actor/comedian killed himself in Tiburon, in Northern California. His people tell us he’s been recently battling severe depression. According to the Marin County Sheriff Christopher Huckeby… authorities found Williams’ body inside his home. They say he was found unresponsive.He was unconscious and not breathing […]
