Archive for June, 2014

Big Masturbation To Use ‘Crisis Actors’ On New SMN Facebook Page

Big Masturbation To Use ‘Crisis Actors’ On New SMN Facebook Page

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) An unnamed source that claims to have infiltrated into the shady Big Masturbation organization has asserted that the group plans to use “crisis actors” to derail discussion on the newly christened Stop Masturbation Now Facebook netpage. For the uninitiated, ‘crisis actors’ are hired guns […]

by June 16, 2014 8 comments Foreigners, Politics
Conservative Cathy Cinema: Review of Documentary Film ‘Escape From Tomorrow’ (2013)

Conservative Cathy Cinema: Review of Documentary Film ‘Escape From Tomorrow’ (2013)

As a devout Lonvidian, I take my religion seriously and regularly attend a Sunday afternoon prayer group. After the prayers are finished, the group either heads to the local cineplex or to the church auditorium to watch one of many documentary films to teach us new things about our faith. […]

by June 16, 2014 2 comments Celebrity
Childs Youth abduct Micheal Bay.

Childs Youth abduct Micheal Bay.

HOLLYWOOD- CALIFORNIA (SMNNN) The religious activism organization of children “Childs Youth”, (named for our savior Lonald Childs), released a statement today saying they have converted noteable homogay,  Micheal Bay (Director of many blockbuster films, such as Planet of the Apes; Dark of the Moon, and Captain America: The Amazing Spiderman […]

by June 16, 2014 0 comments Celebrity, World
New Computer Simulation  Shows Masturbation Related Super-Natural Disasters Likey to be 400% Greater in 2015

New Computer Simulation Shows Masturbation Related Super-Natural Disasters Likey to be 400% Greater in 2015

WATERTOWN-CT (SMNNN) Using the same supercomputer used to predict the 400% increase in natural disasters in 2015, the same leading faithscientists have announced they have run another simulation, which this time also predicts a 400% rise in super-natural disasters. The super-computer, which was comprised of twelve F-Drive ( dominant faith-based […]

by June 15, 2014 6 comments Weather, World
Hillary Clinton Uses Inside Powers to Shut Down Father’s Day

Hillary Clinton Uses Inside Powers to Shut Down Father’s Day

CNNT) — Hillary Clinton may not be in power these days – but she still commands an army of self-raping fans. Even some of them were shocked this week when she reported that, as of Saturday, June 14th, 20014, Father’s Day is officially canceled. “I don’t see any reason why we […]

by June 15, 2014 0 comments Uncategorized
“Childs Youth” Gang Takes Over Australian Radio Station

“Childs Youth” Gang Takes Over Australian Radio Station

FITZROY CROSSING, AUSTRALIA — (SMNNN) A group of children loyal to the growing “Stop Masturbation Now, Australia!” movement took over a radio station in Fitzroy Crossing last week. The gang of children, aged 6 to 11, who refer to themselves as “Childs Youth” in a nod to our savior, Lonnie […]

by June 13, 2014 0 comments Foreigners, World
Kim Jong Un Teams Up With Snoop Dogg

Kim Jong Un Teams Up With Snoop Dogg

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkMNOlYcpHg](STOPMasturbationNOW)– Kim Jong Un has achieved yet another level of mass mind control success after closing a music deal with Snoop Doggy Dogg to release a mind control song and take over all of North America and Lesser Mexican America.  The song entitled Hangover was written with subliminal Korean messages […]

SMN World Cup Preview Group B

SMN World Cup Preview Group B

(Stop Masturbation NOW Sports)–Yesterday we previewed world cup Soccer group A . Today we are going to preview group B.   AUSTRALIA Australia is a bunch of criminal island Mexicans. They can’t get mammals right much less sport. Expect australilians to be distracted by indoor plumbing and lights. They wont […]

by June 13, 2014 1 comment Foreigners, Sports
Han Solo Injured By Masturbation Accident On Millennium Falcon

Han Solo Injured By Masturbation Accident On Millennium Falcon

Han Solo, also known by his Hollywood slave name “Harrison Ford”, was apparently injured in a freak accident on the set of the currently filming Star Wars sequel. As this was a Hollywood production, speculation quickly turned to confirmation that the accident was a direct result of careless on-set masturbation […]

by June 13, 2014 4 comments Celebrity
Holy Man Bieber snubbed in attempt to convert actor DiCaprio

Holy Man Bieber snubbed in attempt to convert actor DiCaprio

CANNES, FREEDOM — (SMNNN) Hollywood slave “Leonardo DiCaprio”, probably best known for his role as the titular Private Ryan in ‘Saving Private Ryan’, snubbed recently baptized and confirmed Lonvidian, Justin Bieber, over the weekend. Bieber, now operating on behalf of the Stop Masturbation Now Ministries, was on a conversion and […]

by June 13, 2014 2 comments Celebrity, World
Help Stop Masturbation Now!
Get the latest content first.
We respect your privacy.