WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) An unnamed source that claims to have infiltrated into the shady Big Masturbation organization has asserted that the group plans to use “crisis actors” to derail discussion on the newly christened Stop Masturbation Now Facebook netpage. For the uninitiated, ‘crisis actors’ are hired guns […]
As a devout Lonvidian, I take my religion seriously and regularly attend a Sunday afternoon prayer group. After the prayers are finished, the group either heads to the local cineplex or to the church auditorium to watch one of many documentary films to teach us new things about our faith. […]
HOLLYWOOD- CALIFORNIA (SMNNN) The religious activism organization of children “Childs Youth”, (named for our savior Lonald Childs), released a statement today saying they have converted noteable homogay, Micheal Bay (Director of many blockbuster films, such as Planet of the Apes; Dark of the Moon, and Captain America: The Amazing Spiderman […]
WATERTOWN-CT (SMNNN) Using the same supercomputer used to predict the 400% increase in natural disasters in 2015, the same leading faithscientists have announced they have run another simulation, which this time also predicts a 400% rise in super-natural disasters. The super-computer, which was comprised of twelve F-Drive ( dominant faith-based […]
CNNT) — Hillary Clinton may not be in power these days – but she still commands an army of self-raping fans. Even some of them were shocked this week when she reported that, as of Saturday, June 14th, 20014, Father’s Day is officially canceled. “I don’t see any reason why we […]
FITZROY CROSSING, AUSTRALIA — (SMNNN) A group of children loyal to the growing “Stop Masturbation Now, Australia!” movement took over a radio station in Fitzroy Crossing last week. The gang of children, aged 6 to 11, who refer to themselves as “Childs Youth” in a nod to our savior, Lonnie […]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkMNOlYcpHg](STOPMasturbationNOW)– Kim Jong Un has achieved yet another level of mass mind control success after closing a music deal with Snoop Doggy Dogg to release a mind control song and take over all of North America and Lesser Mexican America. The song entitled Hangover was written with subliminal Korean messages […]
(Stop Masturbation NOW Sports)–Yesterday we previewed world cup Soccer group A . Today we are going to preview group B. AUSTRALIA Australia is a bunch of criminal island Mexicans. They can’t get mammals right much less sport. Expect australilians to be distracted by indoor plumbing and lights. They wont […]
Han Solo, also known by his Hollywood slave name “Harrison Ford”, was apparently injured in a freak accident on the set of the currently filming Star Wars sequel. As this was a Hollywood production, speculation quickly turned to confirmation that the accident was a direct result of careless on-set masturbation […]
CANNES, FREEDOM — (SMNNN) Hollywood slave “Leonardo DiCaprio”, probably best known for his role as the titular Private Ryan in ‘Saving Private Ryan’, snubbed recently baptized and confirmed Lonvidian, Justin Bieber, over the weekend. Bieber, now operating on behalf of the Stop Masturbation Now Ministries, was on a conversion and […]
