(StopMasturbationNOW)—This seasons WNBA season has come to a close. Sometime in the last couple of months the regular season ended and a champion was crowned we assume. The WNBA is a lot like the NBA except where in the NBA both genders are welcome the WNBA excludes men to give […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—This week we have a question from a loyal follower and father. “Hi, my daughter just went away to college and I see that she has a weekly cash withdrawal out of her account every Friday for $40 cash. I asked her about it and she said it’s for […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)— Fall is one of the best times of the year. Hard working Americans get to reap the fruits of their labor, football is back, and baseball gets its World Series. But another one of the best things of the fall is Halloween and all the fun costumes and treats. […]
Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has long been a pioneer in race relations through his compassionate programs to institute White privilege for all through prayer and free skin bleaching procedures. As such Brother Lonnie has seen a disturbing rise of intolerance that he has decided to combat. With recent efforts by […]
Loyal follower and staunch non-masturbator, Paul Stanley, asks: “Lonnie, should sex education be taught in public schools?” Thank you for the question, Paul. Obviously the answer is “no”. For the past few decades, publicly schooled American children have fallen far behind their dastardly Oriental counterparts in scholarly subjects such as […]
SMN Safford, AZ-A new waste of film depicting violence and masturbation mob activity has been released by Hollywood. “Black Mass,” starring Johnny Deep is the latest screed garnering a code red rating for excessive self-rape imagery and immoral content by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), […]
Masturbators for the most part look just like you or I but upon closer inspection subtle differences become apparent. Witness this lost soul, who we will call “Thomas Y.”, who has recently been diagnosed with stage-2 masturbation astigmatism. Please print out this picture and carry it with you at all […]
It is Lonnie, who sittith with Jesus at the right hand of Almighty God, that holds the key of Heaven’s Gate. Admonish ye, all doers of evil, those that shalt spew and saturate the ground with their vile seed. For theirs is the error through earthly pleasure through wines and […]
(StopMasturbationNOW)—It has been long proven that masturbation is a top ten cause of disease and the leading cause of eroding family values. But masturbation material is constantly prevalent on Facebook. People post “selvies” in which they take pictures of themselves in ordure to encourage other people to masturbate to their […]
Dear Lonnie, I recently started my first year of college and am sharing a dorm room. Its the first time I have ever shared a room with someone long term. It has only been about four weeks now but every night she masturbates, sometimes 2-3 times a night. It started […]
