When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of the Tonight Show before turning in. She visited her daughter Sarah, who at the tender […]
This Easter as you enjoy quality time with your same-race family, it is important that you remember the reason for the season. Reflect upon the sacrifice that Jesus made for us all by allowing Himself to die a painful, humiliating death nailed to the first Anti-Masturbation Cross® in order to forgive […]
Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (BLUFF), along with the N.A.A.W.P., has announced a boycott and will schedule protests of the new Star Wars movie on the grounds that it discriminates against Self Celibate Normals. In a press release issued by the B.L.U.F.F. Legal Action Foundation (BLUFF-LAF), Brother Lonnie Childs’ words […]
Friends, I want to warn you about a nefarious group of liberal anarchists who make annual pilgrimages to the Black Rock desert in Mexico to partake in the so-called “Burning Man” festival. The Burning Man Project started in the early 1980’s after a group of San Franciscan hippers high on the […]
Parents, have you ever imagined your child masturbating? Do you worry what they do when your back is turned? Do you fear that they will fall into the grip of Satan? Worry no more! Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross®! Designed by STOP Masturbation NOW engineers, this wondrous restraining device allows you […]
“It’s always interesting to me when people say, ‘I’m not gonna’ have sex until I really love the person.’ To me that’s kinda’ like saying ‘I’m not gonna’ rob the bank until I really need money.’” -Amber Haskew, Day of Purity coordinator I hate this time of year for two […]
Here is what the Liberal lies claim about this “game” on Wikipedia(a known Communist site): “In the distant past, a powerful race called the Forerunners fought an alien parasite known as the Flood. The Flood, which spread through infestation of sentient life, overran much of the Milky Way Galaxy. One […]
As many of you know, we have recently lost Sister Keegan to an unfortunate accident involving a hay bailer and a feral hog. We all loved AnnMarie dearly, and her presence will be greatly missed in the daily activities on the Campound. AnnMarie was scheduled to be assigned to a […]
As a former homogay I spend many a restless night thinking back on my past lascivious lifestyle while praying long and hard to fight the temptations to return to the homogay cabal. After fifteen minutes of rest I begin praying long and hard again. As I was gripped in the […]
Happy Holidays Merry CHRISTmas! For the 2014th consecutive year, Christians have DESTROYED atheist masturbators to ensure that Christmas will once again happen right on schedule! Praise! Hey liberals, why don’t you grab your ridiculous Festivus pole, hitch a ride on your absurd Flying Spaghetti Monster and move to Cuba while the rest of us celebrate the Reason […]
