WATERTOWN CT (SMNNN) “ …every song the Grateful Dead wrote was about masturbation, Satan or fornication! Some lyrics: ” Born in the jungle, raised in the lions,den. Numba one occupation, stealin’ wimmens from dey mans.”- One of their songs TRANSLATION: I am a sub-human beastophile. My job […]
EAST COAST- U.S.A (SMNNN) An unprecedented increase in various species of sharks attacking and eating people, is most likely caused by masturbation, Faithscientists say. This year, dozens of people on the East Coast have been attacked and/or eaten by sharks, and until recently, nobody had even the slightest clue why. […]
SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Masturbation is a sin that breaks God’s heart. Thus, the true soldiers of God have always been at war with The Masturbator. Professor Milton Grits explains how in the 20th Century the forces of good came together and struck down the enemy masturbator like a lightning bolt […]
-Stop Masturbation NOW, Safford, AZ Increasingly, masturbation is being seen as the sinful addiction disease that it is, and recovery programs across the world are being created to address the needs of the self-rapists who are destroying their lives as well as the lives of their families. To this end, […]
Residents of the small Trinity Pines community in Northern California were shocked to learn the cause of a forest fire that destroyed 15 acres of land in early July. The fire, called the ‘West Fire’ by fire officials, was started on July 1st and burned for two days before being […]
Joe Ferno, of Naples Florida, has filed suit in State Superior Court, claiming that his right to marry himself is being infringed upon by Florida’s antiquated laws that state marriage is between two people. The plaintiff, an admitted ten-times a day masturbator, says he is doing what all same-self […]
Dr. Paul Horner, a sociology professor at BYU and has just thrown down the gauntlet in the war against self rape with his new invention. He has designed a ‘Self-Rape Whistle’ to help protect today’s youth against the constant barrage of temptation. “The idea is simple” says Dr. Horner. “Whenever […]
Parents, Do you ever lie awake at night worrying your children are masturbating? I know I sure did, that was until I started tucking my 23 Same Race Normal Children to bed safely wrapped up in the Uncle Lonnie’s “No-Wankie Blankie”. Now I can rest assured that my boys will […]
I love taking the Stop Masturbation Now message to the Liberal Bastions of the HomoGay Big Masturbation Institutions of Higher Learning and the Self-Raping Liberal youths enrolled there. Today was an especially good day as I beat down the HomoGay Self-Rapist Matt Walker with the good word and bathed him […]
Morris Browder had seen a lot in his 115 years on God’s Earth. He lived through the first World War. He lived through the liberal created Great Depression. He lived through the non-normals attacking Hawaii in the 1940s. He even lived through the wars of non-normal aggression in Korea, Vietnam, […]
