SAFFORD- ARIZONA (SMNNN) In a revelation, His Resplendence Saint Lonnie Childs has decreed motor scooters to be the most Holy of all motorcycles. Brother Lonnie stated that he was visited by a beautiful seraphim, which along with granting Brother Lonnie The Secret of The Universe, also decreed scooters to be […]
Before Masturbation After Masturbation Before Masturbation After Masturbation Before Masturbation After Masturbation Before Masturbation After Masturbation Before Masturbation After Masturbation Before Masturbation After Masturbation Before Masturbation After Masturbation Before Masturbation After Masturbation Friends don’t let Friends Masturbate. Do you or someone you love masturbate? Help is Here God Bless, […]
My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin. Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by […]
THE ISLAND OF UNITED KINGDOMS- (SMNN) The world’s least funny man, noted filthy atheist Ricky Gervais admitted today, that he is also the world’s most prolific masturbator. Gervais admits to masturbating in excess of 300 times daily. Ricky Gervais, horrible non-humourous atheist, has long been known to be pure […]
Safford, AZ – While many shouted victory in July as their children were picked early at the Choosing of the Flesh, others still mourn the loss of their loved ones to the Unchosen. The annual Day of Choosing at the Campound (see link for this year’s story) is an exciting event for […]
In Brother Lonnie’s first and only round of golf, he has managed to shatter the 18 hole record of 34 set by North Korean dictator/professional athlete Kim Jong-Il back in 1994 which was also Kim’s one and only round of golf. Kim Jong-Il’s 38 under par round included […]
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK/ PORTAL TO HELL (SMNNN) The Yellowstone super volcano is due for the largest eruption ever seen in the 8,000 year history of the Earth, and masturbation is definitely the causes, say leading Faithvolcanologists. Masturbation, long conclusively proven to be causing Global Warmings, is now known to be […]
(Stop Masturbation NOW)— Westwood CA. Like a scene from the movie Waterworld. UCLA is no more. At 4pm today a main water main on Sunset Boulevard that flows through campus burst forth and completely flooded the UCLA campus. The massive geyser has been shooting skyward for upward of 90 […]
President Obama showed his true colors as a masturbator at a White House awards ceremony earlier today. The awards ceremony, honoring no longer relevant musician, Linda Ronstadt, for some reason; found Obama just mere inches away from someone he had spent his childhood fantasizing over. At point, Obama reached over […]
Safford, AZ- In groundbreaking research released today, it was proven that President Barack Obama masturbates more than any other President. The independent research think tank Foundation For a Better Tomorrow detailed months of research that found that the 44th President masturbates at double the rate of the next high-masturbation President. […]
