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Kim Jong Un Teams Up With Snoop Dogg

Kim Jong Un Teams Up With Snoop Dogg

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkMNOlYcpHg](STOPMasturbationNOW)– Kim Jong Un has achieved yet another level of mass mind control success after closing a music deal with Snoop Doggy Dogg to release a mind control song and take over all of North America and Lesser Mexican America.  The song entitled Hangover was written with subliminal Korean messages […]

SMN World Cup Preview Group B

SMN World Cup Preview Group B

(Stop Masturbation NOW Sports)–Yesterday we previewed world cup Soccer group A . Today we are going to preview group B.   AUSTRALIA Australia is a bunch of criminal island Mexicans. They can’t get mammals right much less sport. Expect australilians to be distracted by indoor plumbing and lights. They wont […]

by June 13, 2014 1 comment Foreigners, Sports
Han Solo Injured By Masturbation Accident On Millennium Falcon

Han Solo Injured By Masturbation Accident On Millennium Falcon

Han Solo, also known by his Hollywood slave name “Harrison Ford”, was apparently injured in a freak accident on the set of the currently filming Star Wars sequel. As this was a Hollywood production, speculation quickly turned to confirmation that the accident was a direct result of careless on-set masturbation […]

by June 13, 2014 4 comments Celebrity
Holy Man Bieber snubbed in attempt to convert actor DiCaprio

Holy Man Bieber snubbed in attempt to convert actor DiCaprio

CANNES, FREEDOM — (SMNNN) Hollywood slave “Leonardo DiCaprio”, probably best known for his role as the titular Private Ryan in ‘Saving Private Ryan’, snubbed recently baptized and confirmed Lonvidian, Justin Bieber, over the weekend. Bieber, now operating on behalf of the Stop Masturbation Now Ministries, was on a conversion and […]

by June 13, 2014 2 comments Celebrity, World
Faithscience Predicts Masturbation Will Cause Natural Disasters 400% More Than Nature Will in 2015

Faithscience Predicts Masturbation Will Cause Natural Disasters 400% More Than Nature Will in 2015

-WATERTOWN CT Using a network of B.L.U.F.F Co. F-Drives (dominate faith-based video gaming system in the U.S.A. market) leading Faithscientists have run a comprehensive mathematical simulation which shows masturbation to be the greatest ecological concern of mankind in 2015. Over twelve F-Drive systems were networked via coaxial cables. Working as […]

by June 13, 2014 8 comments Weather
Gay Caused By Genetic Damage, Says Regan Era NASA.

Gay Caused By Genetic Damage, Says Regan Era NASA.

-SANFORD, AZ Recent declassified documents released by NASA have been obtained by Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F) and The Foundation For a Better Tomorrow (F.F.A.B.T) . The documents, which date to the Regan administration, may hold the key to unlocking the mystery of The Gay. The 1378 page […]

by June 12, 2014 7 comments Uncategorized
Painful Reminder

Painful Reminder

Can it get any more clear for you?

by June 12, 2014 2 comments Celebrity
Pregnant Mila Kunis To Men: Stop Masturbating!

Pregnant Mila Kunis To Men: Stop Masturbating!

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMMNN) Pregnant actress Mila Kunis, most notably known for her prescient role in the film ‘Knocked Up’, spoke out recently with a message for men around the globe. During her appearance on the DeKalb, Illinois public access program “Reflections”, Kunis spoke out loudly against the […]

by June 12, 2014 9 comments Celebrity
Victims Gallery: June 1st – June 9th 2014

Victims Gallery: June 1st – June 9th 2014

SAFFORD, AZ — (SMMNN) It is with a heavy heart that I am tasked with this update to this holy netsite documenting the latest victims gallery of masturbation casualties. As previously reported by my esteemed colleague, Erich Sean, masturbation kills celebrities in fours and that is a proven Faith Fact™. Unfortunately, we […]

by June 12, 2014 0 comments Celebrity
image source: Free Digital Photos By Stuart Miles, published on 11 April 2012
Stock Image - image ID: 10079656

Net Neutrality: What Big Masturbation Doesn’t Want You To Know

WEST PALM BEACH, FL — (SMNNN) The future of the new technology, known colloquially as “the internet”, is a topic that has gotten a lot of traction lately in both the mainstream media as well as the seedy underbelly of the “‘information superhighway”. Unfortunately, no other netsite has written about […]

by June 11, 2014 1 comment Politics
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